You were never a virgin.
You were never “pure”
You were never a perfect, innocent baby, untouched by the dirtiness that is…. sex
Your body was the universe
Your pussy dripped nectar
You could never give her away, you were Whole
to begin with
It was a lie. It was not a myth, it was an outright, purposeful lie. It was meant to keep you small. It was meant to keep you quiet, tender, tending… to everybody else’s needs and desires.
When your body becomes something that you can Lose, that you can have Taken from you, that you can Give away to the wrong person, that you can disgrace your family with
Your body is no longer your own.
It becomes this thing that is part yours, because you can touch it, but you’re told to not touch it, to not understand it because it’s wrong, actually. But you also must not give it away to just anyone, and you must not lose it to the wrong person. Do not lose your body. You must only give it away when you choose, when it is God’s time, when you are already trapped forever with someone who gets to take you away from yourself. But you were never your own, because you could not discover yourself in the first place.
Or maybe you were allowed to
away before marriage.
Maybe you were told that you could give yourself away whenever you chose, but that you should choose someone who you loved deeply, someone who you loved deeply enough to give yourself away to.
Or maybe you were told nothing at all
If masturbation was hidden, and shameful, and wrong… and your body was something that you gave to others… what did that leave you with?
It would have made sense if you tried to give your body to whoever seemed to want it.
It would have made sense if you tried to understand yourself through other people
It would have made sense if you drank to try to forget you were ever in your body in the first place
It would have made sense if you shut yourself off from the neck down
And you focused on being a career, woman career woman be a career, woman
It would have made sense, even
If you had yourself stolen from you by someone who just wanted it
And you didn’t know How to say no because you didn’t belong to yourself, so how could you
stand up for yourself
Or maybe you said no but no one listened, because he knew your body was something he deserved to Take
But it was all a lie.
You can wake up from the dream, now
You touched yourself when you were a child because your body is wondrous, it is delightful, it is built for pleasure and to make you feel good.
You were always your own to explore
is that if you were built up, empowered, strengthened in your sexuality
you would have formed an understanding
of who you wanted to share this with and when you wanted to share it,
You would not have had to search outside for pleasure
You would not have had to search outside for validation
you would have known it on your own
You would have known
your body is a medium
your body is a time machine
your body is outer space
your body is everything, at once
And maybe, in this world
he would have known your body was your own, too
You would stand
Radiant in your own power
Steady in your softness
You would know
Your pleasure comes from you
Your body is already. Whole
Your sex fills you up
You’d share it when you were already full
You’d share your overflow
You’d share it only to please yourself
You were never a virgin.
The number of people inside you never mattered
The amount of people who saw your body never
No one has ever been able to take anything away from you
You believed their lie, and you
gave your own energy away
And you can have it back whenever you want.
Wake up darling
You belong to yourself
You always have
belonged to yourself.