“Men respond really well to condescension,” she said, laughing.
I looked at her, my body frozen.
She was a sex educator. Someone who teaches classes on relating to one another allll the time.
I know where this belief comes from. How it’s rooted in a lifetime of feeling lesser than, of not knowing any other way to feel powerful.
That used to be me. Not taking help from any man, ever. Not genuinely respecting any man in my life. Thinking men were all one way or another.
I watched the movies, laughing about how men don’t do anything they’re told. I read the articles about feminism and how men should shut up.
I was angry, and rightfully so.
And then I realized that maybe I was playing a role in it, too.
I shifted MY stories .. and my entire world changed.
Here’s the thing: if you are condescending toward men. If you think you need to “train” men. If you think men don’t do as much work on themselves as women.
You are causing your own problems. YOU are calling those men into your life.
And you’re probably just as harmful of a partner as they are.
Once I took responsibility for my stories around men, I fell in love with men. I started allowing them to help me. I started noticing their strength, their depth, their presence. I started admiring the way their masculine allowed me to relax into my feminine.
I started RECEIVING them – not being in some weird competition with them.
I started meeting men who were incredible. Clients, lovers, random Uber drivers.
My world is filled with men who are in integrity. Men who care deeply about working on themselves. Men who care about women’s pleasure.
I’m sick of hearing about how we somehow need to knock men down in order to thrive.
I’m sick of hearing even women who have done a lot of work on themselves talk about “training” men. As if they are children or dogs.
If you’re constantly attracting men who can’t meet you, you need to shift your beliefs around men.
Take responsibility. And watch your world change.
If you liked this piece, you might also enjoy:
– Older men are not allowed to wake up
– I softened into my feminine & attracted the most incredible partner
– Your partner is not the one who needs to do their work
– If you think you have to “train” men, this is for you
– Healthy relationships & my relationship with my dad