I often thought when I was younger that I would never get married. I identified as being non-committal, and I couldn’t imagine one person being enough to satisfy me.
I wanted to adventure and explore, and even though I had multiple long-term relationships, nothing I was shown in those relationships convinced me that I would actually want to settle down.
I think sometimes when we are young (and then even as we get older!) we don’t know how much we can ask for. The extent of what is possible for us.
Your reasons for choosing someone will be different than mine, unique to you and who you are. My hope in writing this is that it will help show you what is possible, and inspire you to ask for more of what you want.
I always wondered, what could be enough to make me want to commit to someone forever? Could that even exist? People would say, “when you know, you know” .. and I found that to be true, but there are also reasons for knowing. And these are mine.
1. He inspires me.
The way Jordan lives his life is inspiring to me. It was that way when we had first started dating, and it is still true today. When we first started dating I admired that he had built this big business out of his pain, that he had lived so many lives in one, that he had such intimate relationships with his friends, that he had made and saved up a bunch of money, that he had read the books that he had, the things he was able to quote, everything.
He still inspires me with the things he reads and thinks about, the way he is as a leader, how much he does around our home, how loving he is to me and others, and the way he processes what he is going through. I think he is an incredible person.
2. He has the same drive for growth as I do.
I have always had this unquenchable thirst for change, for meeting all parts of myself and being willing to transform them, constantly seeking what else was out there. What new life experiences there were. Jordan is the only man I’ve ever met whose drive matches mine in the same way. He has had so many different phases of his life, different businesses, done so many trainings and courses to explore himself and life more deeply.
I think we both integrate things very quickly and are ready to move on to the next thing, and we do that at a pace that matches each other. He is always wanting to better himself, not from a place of not being good enough but from a place of growing as a person, and I feel seen and understood in this in a way I’d never been. And now we do this together – this phase of life being married homeowners, the next hopefully becoming parents. I know without a doubt that he will meet our journey with me in the same way – learning about how to be better parents, new skills, and becoming better humans.
3. I find his mind endlessly fascinating.
My curious Sagittarius/Aries self had worried she would get bored with one person forever… that will never be the case with Jordan. The way Jordan’s mind works is both incredible and hilarious to me. The thoughts he has and what he says and the way he reacts to things. I think a piece of this is him being neurodivergent – he just has certain ways of looking at things, certain sensitivities, and strong likes and dislikes that are so entertaining.
I will never figure Jordan out and it feels like this endless puzzle of delight that I get to experience every day. I’ll ask a casual question and he will say something so profound and moving that it makes me cry. Or he will be laughing nonstop to himself about a meme he saw or a joke he remembered from years earlier. Or I will get to see his inner child’s sweetness. And all of it is so beautiful to me.
4. He doesn’t take himself or life too seriously.
In all of the inner work and the grief of life there has such potential to be so serious and take all the fun away. Like now we have to be pure and spiritual and not make fun of other people and can’t ever do anything that’s bad for us. Jordan is not this way. Jordan will make the most politically incorrect jokes, will make fun of things with me, and will make fun of “the work.” I could go to church with him the same way I could get drunk and go to a strip club with him. He can let his ego out – letting himself be judgmental and superior and whatever else – and he isn’t afraid to say what he really thinks. And he is also aware which parts are his ego.
We can be all of ourselves together. No thought is a bad or wrong thought to have. Everything in life – even the worst things – can be taken lightly.
5. He can be with all of life.
Going along with the above, Jordan is comfortable with all of the different emotions of life – full range of grief, sorrow, joy, laughter, fear, etc. We have had such a dynamic sex life for this reason – there is so much that is possible during sex and we have both done the work to be able to experience that. We have had so many phases – Daddy/little girl, intense sex, soft and loving.. none of these phases were wrong, just phases we went through together.
Jordan can sit with me in my deepest pain and meet me there in it, and he can also put on shitty rap music and blast it and sing with me in the car. We can buy all our food local and organic and we can also eat McDonald’s together. The full range of life is welcomed. Nothing is made wrong.
6. He is direct and honest.
Anyone who has spoken to Jordan (or listened to him speak) could tell you how direct he is. He speaks clearly and efficiently and he says exactly what he means. I do not have to guess with him. He will also tell me exactly what he thinks, he will give me feedback on things and myself if I ask for it, and he is always honest.
This is such an important piece of us communicating well as a couple – we can have very honest conversations with one another and no one is keeping anything hidden.
7. He is deeply kind.
Jordan is possibly the kindest person I have ever met. He compliments strangers very specifically and loves when their faces light up. He deeply cares about people becoming more fully expressed in the world, he cares so much about his clients. I often catch him doing very sweet secret things, like writing a note to a woman he knows for international women’s day, that he never would have told me he did if I did not happen to see his email up on his computer.
I imagine there are so many little things he does that I don’t see. He is kind to people out in the world, to servers, cashiers, service providers. He is kind to me and to my family and friends.
8. He loves me more than I could have ever imagined being loved.
Jordan loves everything about me. He loves all of the features of my face and my skin and my hands and my legs. He loves the expressions I make and he comments on how beautiful he finds me dozens of times a day, how cute he thinks I am, and how much he loves my essence – the things I am curious about and what I think and the way I react to the world. He tells me every day so many ways that I add to his life.
And he does things for me – little things like putting the water glasses closer to the edge of the shelf where I can reach them, cleaning up the dishes I leave all over, buying my favorite foods, he heated up lunch and brought it to me while I was writing this. I can tell by the things Jordan does that I am in his mind all day, he is always thinking about what he can do to make my life better and me feel more loved. I never, ever, ever could have imagined this kind of love was possible in relationship and that I could have it or even be capable of receiving it. I never doubt for a second how much Jordan loves me and I am more loving to myself and to others because of him.
9. He is so handsome!
With other partners, I felt like I became less attracted to them over time. With Jordan, my attraction feels like it increases every day. I love the color of his eyes and the shape of his mouth and his nose and his eyebrows and I could bore you forever by making a list of every single thing about his body that I love. All the little freckles and places he has hair. I love the smell of Jordan’s skin and especially his chest and forehead and genitals and upper lip. I love the crinkles around his eyes. I love his hair and all the different textures it can have. I love how abnormally tall he is (he is 6’7”).
I feel like I should note that in the moment we first met I did not feel this way because he was new to me and I was also extremely nervous to meet him. I obviously was attracted to him, but I was also like “ok.. this man is very tall.. he is kind of awkwardly tall.. he is making strange expressions and dancing weirdly around.” I thought he was handsome but I was not absolutely obsessed with his every feature the way I am today. It has only grown and I wish I could tell this to my younger self, that when she meets someone who is really it, they only become more interesting and attractive forever.
10. Everything is fun with him.
Jordan makes everything fun. We can have Covid together in a hotel room in another country, we can be driving through town, we can get stuck in traffic for hours, we can go to the grocery store, one of us can be grieving, we can be fighting and have to clear it, we can deal with not having clean running water and having to poop in buckets, we can stand together in the bathroom while one of us is pooping and talk about life, literally everything is fun with him.
11. I admire who he is as a man.
I think Jordan is such an incredible example of an integrated man. His integrity is so strong, he is a capable and inspiring leader, and he runs his business in a way that is both trusting and strategic. He feels so solid and stable to me, and I never doubt his ability to provide for us. He has access to his heart – to his tears and his own pain – and he can share that with others.
He is a role model and mentor for other men. His friends know that he is always rooting for their highest expression of themselves. He is there to support people when they need it. He has access to his anger and fierceness and only brings this in in a calibrated and responsible way. He has helped literally hundreds of millions of people in his work.
I know without a doubt that Jordan will be the best father I could have chosen for my children. I think about this every day, how lucky they will be to get to have him as a father. He is meant to be a father.
12. He is so smart.
Something I really love and appreciate about Jordan is how I never have to explain things to him that I would have to explain to other people. He is smart and of course lots of people are smart, but he is smart in ways that match me. And because we have had similar paths, we know what each other means without it needing more of an explanation.
I say things to him and he just gets them. Or even better, he adds onto it with something I never thought about, or expresses something in a way I never considered. I don’t need to spend time getting him to understand me. He understands me and he elevates what I am saying to another level. I value this deeply.
13. He values my insight.
I feel very seen and appreciated in my relationship with Jordan. With a lot of the world I have learned to not name what I see unless asked (people don’t really want to have things about themselves analyzed without permission, which is fine, that’s why I turned it into my job instead lol).
With Jordan I do not need to have this filter in the same way. He welcomes what I see in him and what I have to say and what my opinion is. He will often ask for feedback on something he’s written or created, or a way that he is being. It doesn’t mean that he automatically agrees with what I say, but that he is always open to it and values it very highly. I don’t think I could have married someone who did not want to hear these things, as this is an important part of expression for me. (And yes, if you’re into Human Design, I am a projector!)
These are not in any particular order, just the order they came to me.
Jordan and I celebrated our 4-year anniversary of us dating a few days ago (and a year and 4 months of marriage!) and I am only more grateful for all of these things over time.
I knew when I met Jordan that this was something different, something very special.
I did not know when we first met that I would end up marrying him. I actually remember us both talking about marriage, and saying neither of us necessarily needed to get married.
I remember him saying that if he did get married he would want it to be forever, he would never want to get divorced, and internally that was terrifying to me. I thought to myself, “I could get divorced 4 times and wouldn’t care.” But as we deepened into our relationship that faded for me.
It probably took about a year for me to realize that ok, I did want to get married, and then another year to really feel that if we did, I would never want to get divorced. I surprised myself in this way, when we got married I really felt like I could honestly commit to this man for the rest of my life, and that is all I wanted and still want.
It felt like a sacred promise, marriage. And it was easy to make, both because of how much I love him and also because of all of these reasons.