When I was younger I used to go into the ocean and ask the ocean to take me away.
I would give my sadness, say please, take me, to where I imagined other worlds were, in the depths of the sea
4 years ago I went to the ocean in Paros, Greece
I visited her, made offerings every single day for a month
It was at this time that I could feel my future life so potently
I didn’t know what it would look like, but I could feel the bigness of it, feel what was possible
And I asked the ocean every day to show me.
On the Sunshine Coast of BC, a few months after meeting Jordan, I met a very special ocean
And she proceeded to hold us through giant transitions and deaths.
Every time I visited her I left with something changed.
I am ready for a house, I told her
And the last time I saw her
I had the house
Another ocean, right on my moon line, I told the story of my life to right before I got engaged
Today it has felt like an energetic psychedelic trip coming to an end.
It took me until this afternoon to start to feel landed, like I was finally grounded again.
I still feel way way way out
But like I am rooted way down at the same time
In a new version of me
In a new life.
A new timeline.
So there was nowhere else to go but the ocean
And as I stood in her
My first time immersed in the waters of our island
I felt all the other moments
All my life happening at once
All the times I have stood in the ocean, wanting
And I felt I am here
I am with you
I have arrived.
I am ready
And I began to sing
A song of thank you
And of grief
And of thank you.
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– Sad celebration of the life of my past self
– Why I can’t tell you what I do
– I can just let this in, everything I’ve ever wanted