We had just finished doing a practice when I heard him sobbing.
“Can you turn the camera so I can see you?” I asked, gently.
“Do I have to?” He asked, reluctantly.
“No,” I said, “If it feels safer to not, you can keep it there. But I think it might be important to let another person witness you.”
“Does it have to be a hot girl?” He joked.
He let me see him, eyes swollen, tears running down his face.
“I haven’t been emotional like that in a really long time,” he said.
I have had two male clients cry in our sessions this weekend.
One working through a lot of loss, one going through a breakup. One 49, one 27.
Because so many of my posts are about my experience as a woman, it might surprise you that most of my clients are actually… men.
Men hire me because they want to last longer in bed, they want to have multiple orgasms, they can’t orgasm, they haven’t had sex with their partner in years… on and on.
And they get those things: one client hadn’t had sex with his wife in two years, and after a couple months of us working together, they had sex and also started having a way more loving day-to-day relationship.
But what ends up coming out through our work is even deeper than that.
Grief they’re still holding onto from deaths in their family. That time a girl was mean to them in high school. Their aversion to being seen as weak. Their relationship with their fathers. Sexual fantasies they’ve been taught to be ashamed of. How much they love their partners. Insecurities with their bodies. Insecurities in bed.
I am so blown away by this work I get to do. I adore seeing people give themselves permission to explore and feel the things society tells them not to.
Men are taught not to cry – but crying isn’t weak.
The best lovers are the ones that can feel their own emotions so deeply, that have gone into themselves enough that they can hold that level of space for themselves and their partners.