This is what self-pleasure can look like

When you touch yourself, set up the room. Light candles, put on music. Gather oil.

Approach your body from a place of curiosity

Make it sacred.

Make it special. Remember how you learned to do this in a way that was fast, hidden, and unforgivable. Sinful. Remember how you learned your pleasure was a sin.

Choose to undo it

Breathe into your body. Breathe deeply, notice how the breath feels when it enters each space. Notice where in your body your breath cannot enter; notice the spaces that are too tight, holding stuck emotion, holding feelings that bring up fear.

Notice how that is okay, that your body does not feel completely open.

Breathe gently, around the areas that will not accept it. Take deeper and deeper breaths until finally these areas start to allow you to access them, to feel their wounding.

Stroke your hair. Stroke down your neck, touch your lips and your ears and your nose. Hold your own face. Brush your hands down your arms, feel your skin tingle from the softness.

Notice how you can feel your emotions and also feel pleasure

Look at your body. Open your eyes and look at your body and notice the curves, your uniqueness, the color and texture of your skin. Pour some oil on your body and watch as your hands move it around.

Breathe. Smell flowers, herbs you’ve brought for this purpose into the bedroom. Use one hand to hold these to your nose while your other hand explores your body.

Inhale deeply, notice how the scent feels even purer, stronger, when you’re naked with the air on your skin, inhaling aromas.

Next, the chocolate. Or strawberries, or both. Place them on your tongue, moan as you feel them melt into your mouth. Touch your breasts. Taste the chocolate. Feel the bones of your hips, the tingles at your inner thighs. Drift your nails across your skin.

Taste, let sensation expand throughout your body

Listen. Listen to your breath, to the slipperiness of oil on your skin. Listen to the music, let it wash over you, through you.

Inhale again, flowers.

Taste again, chocolate.

Look with wonder at your body, at your existence on this planet

Let your hips move to the music

Allow your body to fill so much with sensation that you aren’t even sure how you’re alive any longer.

Cry, if you feel numb. Enter the numbness. Hold yourself in empty space, notice how even this is okay.

Then, and only then, let your hands hold your pussy. Feel the hair, or lack thereof. Feel the oil slip over your skin. A second set of lips, notice your unique folds, your textures, the delightfulness of this part of your body created entirely for pleasure.

Curiosity. With each touch, notice what you feel physically, notice what’s happening in your body

Make your body the authority

Slow down. Bring your awareness down into your body. With each breath, notice how easy it is to get back up in your mind, or to stay there, and notice how that happens when you aren’t listening to what your body actually wants you to do. Notice if you need slower touch, or faster. Notice if you want to entirely stop and give yourself a hug. Notice if you want to feel your hair again, your belly, your hips.

Maybe you just want gentle strokes around your vulva, outer lips, inner lips. Maybe you want to orgasm from your clitoris. Maybe you’re wet and want to penetrate yourself. Maybe it’s time to reach for a toy.

Or maybe not. Or maybe one thing and then another. Hold your vulva. Smell flowers. Taste chocolate. Listen to music. Feel your body on the bed sheets, cry with the tenderness you are showing yourself.

Orgasm, or don’t – since pleasure is not about orgasm, not really. It is about sensation. How much can you feel sensually?

What is your capacity to be in your body, to be with every emotion, every feeling, every nuance of pleasure and pain?

Let the intention of your self-pleasure be to expand your capacity to hold sensation in your body.


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