“Like a primitive, shrieking banshee call,” she said.
“That’s the energy I want to feel more, from you.”
I pretended to feel confused, for a moment.
I thought, she’s wrong. That’s not the energy I need.
But it wasn’t confusion. It was avoidance. And I could feel the truth in my body.
Later, we were asked to express this energy to our partners.
I faced Jordan, arms outstretched, body open.
My breath deepened.
And then I closed my eyes, and I let it out.
The highest-pitched scream I had ever heard come out of my mouth.
He stayed steady, still, unwavering.
My body tremored, feeling his presence and love.
Tears ran down my cheeks.
I did it again, longer this time, even louder.
I could feel the threads of my past – my irritated little girl energy.
This is what she is hiding, I thought.
This fucking massive power that wants to run through my system.
Really? More? was the thought I had this morning, showing her.
Who wants to hear that?
The earth, that’s what.
And apparently, my partner.
The rest of the night I felt my energy expanding, deepening.
An opening of OH.
THIS is me.
Not the petulant avoidant little girl.
This shrieking, calling the earth through her fingertips energy.
This massive call.
That is me.