I find disgust to be one of the most potent teachers.
Disgust often points to desire.
A deep, disapproved of place of desire in the body.
So forbidden that it has disguised itself and come back in killer form.
People have often wondered how I have 0 insecurity around sex
How my body looks during sex
How I can scream and growl and cry and puke
This has been the biggest thing I have alchemized
Even before I gained weight
My own deep disgust and hatred toward my body
The sensation of disgust, of being gross
Of being unloveable and unwanted
Is highly erotic
Anything you find disgusting
That elicits that charged sensation of “ew” in your body
I guarantee you has desire attached to it
You might think you are outraged and disgusted by ~insert name of gross old man politician here~
But you also kind of want him to fuck you, don’t you?
You might think me getting fat or putting menstrual blood on my face is entirely disgusting and gross
But you also kind of want that for yourself, don’t you?
Not your mind
But the sensation of aliveness that lives in your body
The sooner that you can admit to this the better
Because all that energy you spend being disgusted by things, being disgusted by yourself
Is currently creating more of the disgusting things in your life
Because that’s how much you want it
And if you can just admit how much you desire the grossness
And enjoy it to its fullest extent
Then suddenly that highly potent energy becomes available
And you can create with it.