The past few weeks I’ve been getting sudden bursts of sensation within my body.
Like a giddiness, a bubbling up of delight.
Suddenly, it’ll push at the edges of my skin, behind my eyes, a gentle explosion up through my belly
My skin will tingle and I’ll take a breath in and just be like: wow, life
It feels like I am pushing at the edges of the amount I can receive, at the amount of pleasure I can hold. In the best way.
Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I just jump up with excitement and Jordan will look at me like what is it and I’m like “I’m just so HAPPY.”
Right as I was typing that an eagle swooped around, so close to my window.
Last year this sensation happened less frequently and it was always accompanied by a sense of fear.
Like oh my god, everything has never felt this magical and also oh no, what if it gets taken away.
So I’d try to block it, almost. Not allow it fully in.
That fear comes so much more rarely now.
Because what’s happening more and more is that I’m realizing it couldn’t be taken away.
It doesn’t come from Jordan. It doesn’t come from money. It doesn’t come from people.
It comes from me opening to life.
To what’s around me.
From being willing to feel all sensations fully.
It’s been happening almost every day, now, this feeling.
And I’m just letting it all in.
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