“I’m moody,” I whined.
“I don’t want to be touched. I feel annoyed at everything.”
“You haven’t been well-fucked in like a week,” he said.
He had been sick. I had been stressing about work.
He said, “Yeah. I want to tie you up and fuck you.”
My body lit up, not even by choice. Yes, she whispered. That’s what we want.
A while later, he was binding my hands and spanking my ass.
“Good girl,” he said, as I began dripping.
I came over and over, orgasms happening for minutes at a time, never ending.
I felt my body exploding, opening, like it was dissolving into stars
Only focused on my body. He never entered me.
“Mercy,” I said, finally
He stopped. I felt the tears well to the surface.
He noticed. He put his hand on my heart.
“My love,” he said.
The tears started falling, releasing the emotions I had been storing all week in my body. No particular reason, just how my body was feeling.
He held me. And just as I was quieting down, the random playlist switched to the song that is my deepest reminder of my brother’s accident.
My body already feeling wide open, I started sobbing, getting louder and louder.
“Can you keep holding me while I scream into a pillow?” I asked quietly, through my tears.
He handed me a pillow and wrapped his arms around me and I wailed, growled, screamed all my grief out loud.
I yelled out all the anguish in my body, the unfairness of losing someone so close to me.
Almost 8 years and sometimes it still feels like my heart will break forever.
He held me, his head buried in my neck while I cried.
“I don’t think it’s going to stop,” I said.
“That’s okay,” he said gently.
Eventually it did, after I had long ago given it full permission not to. My face, swollen.
He looked at me and said, “I am so in love with you.”
My body, which had felt so angry and shut off in the morning …. felt tingly and expansive, open and at peace.
This is the healing power of sexual energy
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