Self-created grief vs true grief

When we are feeling grief there is a difference between habitual, self-created grief and then raw grief that moves through our bodies. ⁣

When I say self-created it means that something – whether internal or external – brings up grief, but then we cling to it and let it pull us down until we feel like oh, poor me in a puddle on the floor. ⁣

This is how I always felt grief. I felt the raw emotion – but then I clung to it and attached so many other stories to it. ⁣

“Poor me, this always happens to me, why is life doing this to me, I’m mad at life, I am so depressed and sad I am going to stay this way forever, I cannot do anything because I am too sad.”⁣

It was like I would take what was truly there and then amplify it and abuse myself with it. ⁣

Coming into my body, learning how to feel emotion and sensation in my body taught me what it was like to truly feel. ⁣
What happens when we purely feel the emotion itself and don’t just spin in the cycle of it. ⁣

I find that now going through something very sad feels like I am riding the symphony of life. ⁣

Like as I am living there are many songs floating through the air, a new verse in each moment. ⁣

One moment I am laughing and then the next the song of grief catches my body and I open to it without attaching, cry all the way for a moment, say yes, I am willing to be here with this and feel it fully. ⁣

And then a song of gratitude floats through and my body expands and breathes⁣

And a song of love and I feel how lucky I am to be so loved, to love so much⁣

And a song that doesn’t require as much attention, of contentment and presence and I think other thoughts for a while⁣

Until a new song comes in again. ⁣

I find that being present in grief is not an endless dark hole.

It is just an opportunity to open and trust life, to say yes I trust even in this, and no matter what happens I am willing to feel all of it. ⁣

I am willing to experience fully every song. ⁣

To breathe it into my body and say yes to this. ⁣

I surrender to what is happening and I let myself feel it all the way. ⁣


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