Reflections on hiring help & pre-conception time
Reflections on hiring a house assistant:
Hiring someone to come support our home is the best thing I have ever done.
I had so many judgments. There’s only me and Jordan, we don’t even have kids, it’s not like I’m working 8 hours a day, we already have cleaners, etc etc etc.
But two days a week we have this wonderful woman come for 4-5 hours.
I make a disaster of the kitchen and leave pots in the sink and leave piles of dirty clothes in different spots on the floor and don’t put anything back where it goes.
And she comes and cleans it all up and puts things in new and better places and makes everything look spotless again.
She throws out the dying flowers in the vase that I would’ve let get moldy and she goes outside and picks some new ones.
She organizes our house and cuts up all the fruit for fruit salad and tells me different ideas of ways things can look nice. And she brings her sweet older dog with her which we love.
This morning she came and cleaned up the whole kitchen. Now she is going to 3 different grocery stores to get the specific things I want.
The entire time I have been laying on the couch essentially doing nothing.
Just letting my system rest.
It has been a big edge for me to have this.
To let other people support me.
I am doing this with my assistant in my business too. Slowly asking for more things. I think she is going to handle all the editing and uploading of my podcast.
These pieces are huge for me to hand over.
Even going to the grocery store is huge for me to hand over.
It means that not everything will be done exactly the way I would do it.
And I am realizing this is such a blessing.
That if I need something done a certain way I need to learn to get very very specific.
And that other times people do things much better than me.
I was saying to Jordan how it feels like our lives are really shifting and the difference is in allowing ourselves to be super supported.
It is so huge to just admit that I need other people.
There is such vulnerability in it.
But there is also so much relaxation.
I am at this stage where I can feel how not hiring other people is just keeping me small.
What does it mean to free up my energy so that it can only be spent on the things that only I can do.
Sometimes I think about how Jeff Bezos employs over a million people. How much control that requires letting go of. How much trusting that entails. I imagine what that must take to hold a company that large.
And I am slowly learning – really just beginning to learn – how me hiring people creates this whole network where I support them too.
People pay me and I get to pay other people and provide for their lives.
I just hired a personal trainer. 3 days a week.
I had so much resistance to this because A I used to be a personal trainer, I think most trainers aren’t good, what if they think I want to lose weight, blah blah.
But I am at this stage with my body where my weight has stabilized and I want to move more again. Things are achey. I no longer have a balanced set of muscles. Old injuries are tight and my body isn’t strong enough to support my new weight.
This woman has a little home gym.
My physio recommended I go to see her.
I did two sessions with her and I was like you know what? I need to get over myself.
This is really fun, to work out with someone at their house.
She can pace me correctly – which is way way slower than I want to go.
Something hurts at all and she is like, stop.
I can talk to her the whole time.
I think in some ways I have been so hard on myself.
You should be able to do these physio exercises so your shoulder gets better.
You should be able to do your own dishes and grocery shop.
You should be able to do everything yourself.
Well, what if I don’t want to. And what if I can’t actually.
My last training session the first thing we did when I got there was go for a walk around the block.
My mind wanted to be like, you are paying for this?! You can walk outside at your own house!!!
And I noticed it and just rolled my eyes at myself and I just surrendered.
Because what this means is that regardless of what else comes up in my life 3 days a week I will be moving and taking care of my body in this way.
And someone else will be choosing what we do and I don’t even have to think about it.
A different layer of nourishment.
All my focus has shifted to this “pre-conception” phase I am in.
It has felt so slow. Things just very slowly being added.
What kind of movement does my body need. What kind of bodywork. What kinds of foods. What does our house need. What does my business need.
What amount of support makes things easiest for me.
All to very consciously prepare to have a baby.
I have about another year and a half before we want to get me pregnant.
A long slow time to prepare our lives for this baby.
😭
And the piece I am really learning right now is how incredibly invaluable it is to hand some decisions and tasks over to other people.
To allow myself to be fully supported.
If you liked this piece, you might also enjoy:
– Having it all the way, writing the future, & my current life
– Why I can’t tell you what I do
– I can just let this in, everything I’ve ever wanted
– This Love is All I Want Forever