Let it rock you

It makes sense if you feel lost, confused. It makes sense if you feel trapped in, uncertain, irritable, and like you’re not sure where to turn.

The global energy has shifted, quickly. Seemingly without warning. We’re experiencing a kind of collective panic, a collective grief.

But we know what to do with grief, here. 

Let it rock you. Let it crumble down the false narratives you were holding onto, that you were using to hide from who you really are and want to be in the world.

Let it shine a light on the things you haven’t been saying. The tasks you haven’t been showing up for. The dreams you’ve been telling yourself you can’t have.

Let it be a roller coaster. It should feel uneven, perhaps difficult to be with. And yet, there is room for so much ease in this process, if we surrender to it.

You were built for this.

Your body knows what to do.

The entire globe is feeling something at one time.

Resist the urge to immediately rebuild. Anxiety and irritability mean there are feelings left to be felt underneath the surface, feelings that you must let come up, wash over you.

The only way out is through. There is no room for denial. There is no room for pretending, not unless you want everything to go back to just the way things were.

This is a chasm, and it is an opportunity.

You don’t get to skip the breaking down. There will be many feelings: elation, joy, despair, anger, annoyance.

All of them must be felt. And not a passive, lie-in-bed-and-tune-out-to-netflix kind of felt.

You’ll notice it, because you’ll start to feel a numbness in your body, if you’re paying attention. Your body will feel discontent. It will begin to feel like you can’t allow yourself to feel, because the amount of feelings would be too much to hold.

Too much to hold is false, though, because you don’t need to hold anything.

You just need to allow it to move through.

There doesn’t need to be a goal of feeling happy. We are now processing grief, we are processing this moment. We are processing the fact that our lives have collectively shifted, like it or not.

There is so much wisdom in the processing. If you allow it, it will move through your body, it will transform and alchemize you, and you will know your next steps.

This can and should look like: sobbing. Turning on music, allowing yourself to throw a tantrum as if everything were hopeless, as if you were a little child again. Stacking up pillows on your bed and hitting them, screaming into them over and over until your voice is hoarse and you’ve exhausted all that numbness, any heaviness you can feel in your body. Dancing, stomping, sexy hip circles, fierce and horrific shaking.

Close your eyes. Feel into your body, notice the sensations you feel, particularly from your throat down to your sex. Breathe into that space. If that space could make a sound, what would it sound like?

It needs to come out.

***

My body bleeds every month and she reminds me that I have the power to create life and death.

My body bleeds, collecting every unnecessary bit I’m holding, and moving it physically through.

I touch warm blood to my face, saying, this is mine. This has always been mine.

This reclaiming, this connection to our bodies matters so much right now. Not because there is a goal of pleasure or sex, but because the only way we get to live life feeling fully alive is by feeling like we have autonomy over our choices, over our bodies.

Most people are living other people’s lives.

I don’t want that for you. I want you to feel fully.

It doesn’t mean you have to put blood on your face, but it does mean that a raw, close connection with your body is essential. Your body is you, it is not separate. We are in a time of reckoning, and the world would have you watch headlines, watch social media, feel everyone else’s emotions, do the work you’re told to do, drink, and push your feelings to the side. And your feelings right now are the only thing that really matters, because if you don’t allow yourself to feel the feelings, you won’t be able to hear your intuition. Pent-up feelings block intuition, because if you can’t feel your emotions, you definitely can’t feel the subtle nuances of what your body is trying to say.

This doesn’t mean that your emotions must rule your life, it just means that they must be acknowledged and processed if you want to have a life worth living.

If you can feel everything your body is bringing up for you. If you can not turn your head away from the patterns this pandemic is throwing in your face. If you can look it straight in the eye, if you can allow the feelings to exist… you will access the truth.

You’ll discover that this is an opportunity for you, in some way.

But you must feel it, first.

Let it through.

 

If you liked this piece, you might also enjoy:

– Once, he wrapped his hands around my neck

– Your wake-up call for how you’re living your life right now

– 9 things you must understand in order to stop letting doubt and fear run your life

– Finding pleasure during the time of pandemic (and crisis in general)

– The way you have been taught to feel is wrong