I married a man who values my expression most highly
He values it above family
And the world stage.
And his business
And how it makes him look.
He does not have preferences about it
He does not need me to dress it up a certain way
He does not need me to tone it down
To cover myself or keep it small
Because his preference IS that I am fully self expressed
My whole adult life I have valued this thing inside myself most highly
And I have had to hold it in the face of partners
Who have said things like
Did you really have to write that
Did you really need to say that
Did you really have to do it that way
Couldn’t you just edit this
Or not say this
Or change this piece
And I have said No.
I have held this fiercely.
Because it is not just my expression
It is the expression of this energy that moves through me
And on some level I have always known that without serving that
I would die
I would give up everything for it.
And that has always been mine to carry alone
To bear the consequences of alone.
Until I met a man who is so devoted to this.
That he holds it for me,
Mirrors back my fierceness of it to me
When I have moments when I question, or falter
This thing is bigger than both of us
And we have always known this
That together we are serving something so much greater than ourselves
There is no sentence that holds more weight in our household than “I am writing.”
Nothing stops the other person in their tracks faster, makes an interruption less necessary.
We will cut each other off mid sentence to say wait I have to write something down.
We will have a romantic evening planned together but one of us has something that has to come through and that comes first.
It would look rude from the outside, probably, this abrupt, shhhh.
But we both understand it immediately.
He has seen it in me always
Even before we started dating
When I wrote “shameless” in period blood on my thigh
And the internet freaked out
And he was like. This is art. This is amazing.
He stands for my highest truth.
My fullest expression.
No exceptions, and no need to consider anyone or anything else.
And together in that we are a team
The power that moves through us both
United as a couple
To gift our expressions, this energy, to the world.
To have a man who values this is everything.