I like luxury

I like luxury. ⁣

I like to be dirty on the forest floor too but I always end up needing to come back to my clean sheets and pretty things. ⁣

When I was younger I would stay in $3 hostels ridden with bugs and I adored it. ⁣

I really identified with scarcity. ⁣

Being able to survive on less. ⁣

I wanted to prove I didn’t need nice things, expensive things. ⁣

I knew that other people had less and so I too should be able to be fine having less things. ⁣
It made me a “better person.”⁣

Really this kept me in a hole of making no money. ⁣

I was afraid of my bougie side – and oh do I have one – because I thought no one would like her. ⁣
*I* didn’t like her. ⁣
I judged her as too privileged and pathetic. ⁣

But I will just tell you. ⁣

Today if I stay in anything less than a 5-star hotel I am unsatisfied. ⁣

I just don’t do it. ?⁣

And don’t confuse that with stuffy either. ⁣

I don’t want anything too manicured or boring. ⁣

I want to MESS UP the luxury. ⁣

I want the nicest sheets and the most beautiful flowers and an immaculate room and then I want to get blood all over the sheets and take the flowers apart and explode my things all over the room. ⁣

My college roommate used to say.. “Demetra just… expands.” ?⁣

I want the nicest things and I also want the Real. ⁣

No pretending no fakeness. It does not last around me.

You should have seen me looking at diamond rings that were not nice diamonds. ⁣
They were like. “This is a salt and pepper diamond!!!” ⁣
I was like. No. That is code for a shitty diamond. ?⁣

(No shade if you have one they are just.. not for me)⁣

I surprise myself over and over again because part of me still thinks I “don’t need these things.”⁣

The part that is like I’m fine. ⁣
I can settle with less. ⁣

And here’s the thing – I totally could. ⁣
But I don’t want to. ⁣
It’s not the truth. ⁣
So I don’t. ⁣

I am not a minimalist and I am not a survival person. ⁣
Even though part of me really wants to think I am. ⁣

I often talk about having more than enough. ⁣

More than enough food. ⁣
More than enough space. ⁣
More than enough rest. ⁣
More than enough time outside. ⁣
More than enough breath. ⁣

Everyone’s version will look different. ⁣

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