I like luxury
I like luxury.
I like to be dirty on the forest floor too but I always end up needing to come back to my clean sheets and pretty things.
When I was younger I would stay in $3 hostels ridden with bugs and I adored it.
I really identified with scarcity.
Being able to survive on less.
I wanted to prove I didn’t need nice things, expensive things.
I knew that other people had less and so I too should be able to be fine having less things.
It made me a “better person.”
Really this kept me in a hole of making no money.
I was afraid of my bougie side – and oh do I have one – because I thought no one would like her.
*I* didn’t like her.
I judged her as too privileged and pathetic.
But I will just tell you.
Today if I stay in anything less than a 5-star hotel I am unsatisfied.
I just don’t do it. ?
And don’t confuse that with stuffy either.
I don’t want anything too manicured or boring.
I want to MESS UP the luxury.
I want the nicest sheets and the most beautiful flowers and an immaculate room and then I want to get blood all over the sheets and take the flowers apart and explode my things all over the room.
My college roommate used to say.. “Demetra just… expands.” ?
I want the nicest things and I also want the Real.
No pretending no fakeness. It does not last around me.
You should have seen me looking at diamond rings that were not nice diamonds.
They were like. “This is a salt and pepper diamond!!!”
I was like. No. That is code for a shitty diamond. ?
(No shade if you have one they are just.. not for me)
I surprise myself over and over again because part of me still thinks I “don’t need these things.”
The part that is like I’m fine.
I can settle with less.
And here’s the thing – I totally could.
But I don’t want to.
It’s not the truth.
So I don’t.
I am not a minimalist and I am not a survival person.
Even though part of me really wants to think I am.
I often talk about having more than enough.
More than enough food.
More than enough space.
More than enough rest.
More than enough time outside.
More than enough breath.
Everyone’s version will look different.
If you liked this piece, you might also enjoy:
– My desire to have our home cleaned & the tricky layers underneath it
– I am often suspicious when other people tell me they “have” to do something
– Do not rob yourself of the sensation of naming your true desire
– Taking responsibility for your desire