One of the most massive pieces that shifted for Jordan and me financially this year is the change from seeing money as “mine” and “his” into Ours. ⁣

Making this shift meant we got really intimate with each other’s bank accounts. ⁣

It wasn’t like we were hiding it before, but we didn’t really talk numbers. ⁣
But I knew for his money to feel like mine I had to take care of it as if it were mine. ⁣
And so we had to talk about ours as a whole. ⁣

Since we are big fans of tools for clear communication, we started having a regular “money talk.” ⁣

It was very simple: I subtracted my credit card totals from my bank accounts. And said “this is how much cash I have.” ⁣
He did the same. ⁣
We shared our investments and any other details (if you had debt you would share that too). ⁣

We got very clear on what regular payments we had coming out each month, and whose account it was coming out of. ⁣

We stopped talking about things in terms of “fairness” or who was doing more or less. ⁣

We just talked about it all as ours. ⁣

Every two weeks now we check in about this. Where our bank accounts are at. What contractors each of us have been paying. ⁣

“Who pays who” largely depends on who the person happens to send the invoice to – and if it’s a bigger one we discuss whose account it makes more sense for it to come out of. Again, knowing all the money is both of ours. ⁣

We check in on each other’s available cash levels and if needed we send each other some cash. ⁣
It’s like all of our individual accounts are both of ours. ⁣

We don’t get as detailed as looking at credit card statements. That would feel terrible I think to us both. Instead we have an agreement that unless a purchase is over $1k we don’t clear it with each other. ⁣
If it is over that amount, we check in first. ⁣

We aren’t asking for permission exactly. It usually goes like hey, I want to get this. What do you think?⁣

Just a check in. ⁣

Now, 7 months later… we are both making a lot more money. ⁣

And I know that at least for me this was a huge part of it. ⁣
Feeling like I was taking responsibility for the money of our whole future family. ⁣
Along with my husband. ⁣

Jordan and I talk in depth about our journey with money as a couple in episode 37 of my podcast (The Demetra Gray Show). ⁣

There are also extensive bonuses around this in his new program CASH. ⁣
Both our separate money stories & the video of the podcast we recorded together. ⁣

 

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A letter to money

How I made $50k in one day

Freedom comes from not being a victim

My thoughts on “privilege”

The erotic nature of disgust