One of the most massive pieces that shifted for Jordan and me financially this year is the change from seeing money as “mine” and “his” into Ours.
Making this shift meant we got really intimate with each other’s bank accounts.
It wasn’t like we were hiding it before, but we didn’t really talk numbers.
But I knew for his money to feel like mine I had to take care of it as if it were mine.
And so we had to talk about ours as a whole.
Since we are big fans of tools for clear communication, we started having a regular “money talk.”
It was very simple: I subtracted my credit card totals from my bank accounts. And said “this is how much cash I have.”
He did the same.
We shared our investments and any other details (if you had debt you would share that too).
We got very clear on what regular payments we had coming out each month, and whose account it was coming out of.
We stopped talking about things in terms of “fairness” or who was doing more or less.
We just talked about it all as ours.
Every two weeks now we check in about this. Where our bank accounts are at. What contractors each of us have been paying.
“Who pays who” largely depends on who the person happens to send the invoice to – and if it’s a bigger one we discuss whose account it makes more sense for it to come out of. Again, knowing all the money is both of ours.
We check in on each other’s available cash levels and if needed we send each other some cash.
It’s like all of our individual accounts are both of ours.
We don’t get as detailed as looking at credit card statements. That would feel terrible I think to us both. Instead we have an agreement that unless a purchase is over $1k we don’t clear it with each other.
If it is over that amount, we check in first.
We aren’t asking for permission exactly. It usually goes like hey, I want to get this. What do you think?
Just a check in.
Now, 7 months later… we are both making a lot more money.
And I know that at least for me this was a huge part of it.
Feeling like I was taking responsibility for the money of our whole future family.
Along with my husband.
Jordan and I talk in depth about our journey with money as a couple in episode 37 of my podcast (The Demetra Gray Show).
There are also extensive bonuses around this in his new program CASH.
Both our separate money stories & the video of the podcast we recorded together.