It was back in the end of 2018, just a few weeks after starting this business…
Someone I knew was talking to me about Bitcoin, and trying to explain cryptocurrency to me
My brain had absolutely no understanding really of what he was talking about.
I had heard people mention crypto here and there before, but I was of the understanding that it had already exploded and burst, the opportunity for making money off it had been lost…
But there was something about this time
It didn’t make any “sense” really
I hadn’t started making money yet, the money I had was on a pretty slow constant downward trend
And yet I could just feel this spark of truth in my body.
“I’m going to buy a Bitcoin.”
I wanted a whole one, nothing less.
Right around this time the price had been slowly dropping all year, I think it was around $5k.
I decided I would invest $4k total.
As the week went on I watched the price drop and my friend explained how you could choose the amount, you could set it up so that when Bitcoin hit that price, then your account bought it.
I dropped into my body, I asked my pussy
“What is the number?”
$3200, she whispered.
I was like, I don’t know, this feels ridiculous, this is like gambling.
What if it doesn’t hit that low, it’s going to start going up and I’ll miss it
But I felt it.
I chickened out a little and put in the trade for $3300.
A couple days later, the price hit $3191.
That was the lowest it ever went, and after that it climbed, peaking at almost $69k in 2021.
My pussy was $9 off.
Since I had already decided to invest $4k, I bought an extra tenth or so of a Bitcoin…
and then bought some Ethereum (which at the time was around $80, versus the almost $3k it is worth today)
Something very important to note about all of this is that I was extremely unattached to the outcome
It felt true to buy some, I knew I was supposed to buy at that price
and I proceeded to not track it at all for the coming years.
Occasionally someone would be like, Bitcoin is climbing!
Or, Bitcoin is crashing!
And I would be like, I don’t care at all, lol
I was pretty adamant that I was going to leave it there for decades
I told Jordan when I met him that it was either going to make me a million dollars or it would make me nothing at all, and it didn’t matter which it was.
As in, I was not going to sell unless it reached a million dollars.
(sometimes I conceded at 500k )
This was very clear in my body.
We were buying a house? I needed money?
Cash was tight?
Didn’t even cross my mind.
I was not touching it.
Just a few days ago…
I was driving my truck, forest surrounding me, and I heard this tiny little whisper…
“It’s time to sell the crypto”
I believe most people get whispers like this, we are just practiced at ignoring them…
Not even letting them reach our conscious minds…
But this whisper leads my whole life now
And so I paused for a moment, and I asked, Does it need to happen today?
No, I felt in my body
It doesn’t have to be today…
And I let it go
It kind of shook me a little, my mind didn’t like it.
I was like, I don’t want to sell it.
I wanted to keep it forever.
But I could feel in my body it just wasn’t true anymore.
Then today someone made a post about following the hit of truth…
And it rushed back in, super loudly
NOW IS THE TIME
You felt this and it is true
And I checked in.
I don’t know why Truth changes.
Sometimes I wonder if it is just the nature of things, the world we live in, fractals of earth constantly shifting and changing
Sometimes I wonder if timelines are shifting
But it has become even more familiar to me than the air I breathe
The feeling of, this, now, this.
There were so many things my brain could have said
But today was the day.
So I logged in and I hit sell.
My little $4k had more than 12xd itself
And it said do you want to transfer to your bank?
And I hit yes, transfer to my bank,
$50k in one day.
I have been deepening my relationship with money, a story for another day
But everything is expanding and I could feel this so clearly in my body
$50k in a day was correct
It felt right
It felt like, I am a match for this
I can feel where this energy in me wants to go and it is such an edge for me.
When I had made the transaction I felt clear. Lighter.
And I sat, feeling like, what will I do with this extra money
At first my brain wanted to rationalize
You have so much to do for the house
This is Jordan’s money too now
You can have 10k for yourself, and you should spend the rest on practical house things
I tried to tell Jordan this and he just looked at me, knowing that wasn’t the truth
And then I said…
We want to start trying to get me pregnant in a year and a half…
What I really want…
Like, what I really really want…
Is to use this money to just really nourish myself
What if I give myself everything
Weekly massages, spa visits, the best food, assistants, help everywhere
What if I just let myself completely have it all
And he nodded and said, that’s what you should do.
And my eyes immediately filled with tears
I could feel my past self
This younger version of myself, just beginning her business, so much determination
So much trust
And it felt like she was just handing me $50k, saying,
I love you
You earned this
I knew that you would need this now
I knew how much it would mean to you.
And I felt so much gratitude for her.
How much she loves me.
How much I love her.
Like we were jumping timelines and in the same place at the same moment, the money going from her hands to mine
Have it all. Fully.
I have been really dropping into this space of receiving.
Hiring assistants. Letting people help me.
Realizing that it is a disservice to everyone to try to control and do everything myself.
To me, my business, to the people I hold, to the energy I carry.
What does it look like if I am fully and completely taken care of
and all I have to do is serve the energy and have the things I love.
I spent $5000 on speakers the other day.
They are sitting in front of me now.
Speakers, a turntable, amplifier, connector
An assignment from a teacher, to choose something we desired
Something we would not typically spend the money on
And to make the money first, extra
We had two weeks
It took me a week
It was extremely easy
And just like that, here are my speakers
Music is one of the most important things to me
A constant in my life
And such a love, 70s music especially, old vinyls
I wanted to play my records on a record player on high quality speakers
I did not want to sacrifice quality for anything
And these speakers are here
They take up a lot of space
I did not choose the small ones
I chose the big ones, the standing ones that look a little too big for the room
That don’t really make sense at all
Except that was what I wanted
And I haven’t set them up yet
I don’t know how to cut the wire and connect everything together
But I will
And I want to cry when thinking of giving this to myself
The full desire just because
Much more than I “need”
More than enough.
I am never trying to “get” anything
Just following the energy.
The pulse that says, sell it, now.
Buy it, now.
This is the only thing there is
This is the secret
Being brave enough
To trust the thing.
I feel deeply grateful.