Gender, trans children, and reverence of the feminine
In my early twenties I went through a huge phase of being a social justice warrior.
I wanted to help save the world.
I wanted to rescue the world and I perceived it desperately needed my rescuing.
So I got very into unpacking my privilege as a white cisgendered hetero woman.
And though there were important pieces there, what I really learned in all of this was to take on a particular identity that I was told would make my very existence less harmful to others.
That I should use the right language because the wrong language was harmful.
That it was wrong to call other female bodies “her” and that if I talked about women bleeding or women’s connection to their pussies or women giving birth I needed to be inclusive and say “bodies who bleed” “birthing bodies” and you can call your pussy Him if you want to.
And at the time, I was so in rescuing mode that I didn’t really care about my own feelings or my own opinion.
I just bypassed it to say yes, anything you need, I’m sorry I exist, basically.
I was great at that because I already believed something was wrong with me from my childhood.
But as I’ve grown more and gone deeper into my own work and deeper into work with students it has become impossible to ignore how trauma based this entire culture is.
Wounded adults who never healed their trauma around their bodies and their expressions and their relationship to the opposite sex.
Creating a whole new way of existing to make them feel “safe.” Complete with language. New names. Pronouns. Cutting off body parts. Taking hormones.
Raising their children to be “gender-neutral” which is actually a recipe for teaching their children to have the same trauma and wounding they do, except worse.
And as a woman.
A woman approaching her childbearing years in a society where fertility rates are absolutely plummeting – to the point of human extinction on the horizon. Navigating a medical world that still has no fucking clue about women’s bodies to the point where it is frankly embarrassing.
It is really hard to not see the ways that our world hates the Feminine, fears the body of a Woman, and doesn’t trust Her.
This hatred of the feminine is so deep that it expresses itself through all of us without us even knowing.
We do not value intuition.
We do not value slowness.
We do not value energy.
We do not value the immense portal of a woman’s womb to CREATE another HUMAN BEING and move it into existence.
We do not value birth.
Our communities no longer come together around birth, to support the woman and feed her and nourish her during pregnancy and after and give her rest and time and space and take care of her baby.
We value logic, and analysis, and being productive, and rigidity and guardedness and “put-togetherness” in our beings.
Children are so fucking sensitive to the world around them.
They pick up EVERYTHING. They adjust their behavior and form their narratives of the world based on every single look or moment of emotion or energy being given or pulled back.
They want love and approval and belonging.
A child raised to be “gender-neutral” isn’t being taught that they can be anything they want.
They are being taught that their bodies and their very existence in the world doesn’t fit and is wrong.
As adults this narrative becomes very compelling when we have had so much trauma that we are desperate to find an identity that makes it make sense.
That makes our very painful world make sense.
And right now the popular identity – though taking many different forms – is one of Victim.
We get a lot of attention through being a victim.
We get a lot of validation through being a victim.
We get a lot of status and certainty and connection through being a victim.
The best is bonding together with other victims about being a victim.
And shutting down anyone who has a different opinion by saying they are victim-shaming.
This topic is very nuanced.
I personally believe that any person should have the right to express themselves however they want to express themselves.
I believe that sexual attraction is very fluid and people should be able to love and fuck whoever they want.
I believe that a woman can have hairy legs and a shaved head and enjoy using a strap on.
And a man can dress “as a woman” and go out and have a good time.
But I don’t believe that people’s bodies are wrong.
We are not born wrong.
We are not born in the wrong body.
I do not believe that we need to alter our bodies to make our trauma feel better and I think this is what this is – a trauma response.
And I absolutely do not believe that we should be teaching our children that a boy can be a girl and a girl can be a boy and they are both or whatever they choose that day.
I do not believe that every person should need to present saying these are my pronouns.
I see a lot of women presenting with pronouns “she/they” and to be honest with you I think most of the time this is a response to either “I want to be a good person and show my solidarity” (aka rescuing) or “I don’t like being a girl or feel like a girl anyway so you can call me whatever.”
And I say No.
Take back the Holiness of SHE.
HER.
WOMAN.
Right now we have men who are learning that being a man is bad and wrong and women who are learning that being a woman is bad and wrong.
Women should act more like men. Men should act more like women. There is no difference.
We can just construct a pussy out of other skin and it’s the same thing, it’s just a hole.
We should place a womb into the body of a man so men can give birth, too.
We should call a woman a man and say a man is giving birth.
And the men are confused. They are trying to be softer and gentler and not upset the women and not be such a bumbling idiot like the men in all the movies and not have fire or anger or a life purpose. Or they are reacting the other way and becoming incels.
And the women are pumping their bodies full of fillers and hormones and taking shots to make their period nonexistent and pushing through to have a high powered life and prove that they don’t need anyone to take care of them and they hate men, by the way did you hear they hate men.
It’s not that the 1800s was the answer. Or that any qualities are inherently more manly or more womanly.
I think the answer is a world where we heal and take responsibility for our trauma.
To teach our children the beauty of their sex and their expression.
Where we revere the Feminine.
Where the Masculine is deeply honored and appreciated.
A world that is centered around birthing women who are quite literally creating the next generation.
Where any person can love anyone and have whatever name and outfits and whatever else they want.
But we do not want to build a world based on our trauma.
And protecting our trauma.
And protecting ourselves from anyone saying anything that hurts us.
And feeling that harm is done to us whenever we go out into the world because the world is not like us.
That is the world we are currently building.
It can sound really nice when we feel like the world is a scary place.
To have a world that is more padded.
Safer safer safer.
But the problem is that our trauma is not reality.
And this world keeps our trauma in place and cements us into living a life as a victim.
Where we are most of the time miserable and depressed and want to blame it on others.
We shut down and repress the parts of us that have resulted in pain.
And I will say that I respect people.
I call people what they want me to call them.
I trust the journey that adults are on.
And just like the woman filling her face with Botox I support people’s right to do whatever they want to their bodies.
Because I fully believe in my body my choice all the way through.
But I no longer want to be quiet about calling this trend what it is.
It is a response deeply rooted in trauma.
And a response that further erases the sacredness of Woman.
And I am here to be a voice of the Feminine.
Calling us back into the knowing of our bodies
The truth
The current running through our bodies guiding our lives the same way it guides the whole Earth.
That is the Feminine.
The force of life.
My body is the body of a Woman.
And she is holy.
If you liked this piece, you might also enjoy:
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– Why I can’t tell you what I do
– When you set boundaries other people will call you Selfish