Coddling and soothing your trauma will be helpful for a period of time but will not lead you to freedom.
We have a strong current culture right now that is very oriented around not triggering people and generally tip-toeing on eggshells around anything that might upset them.
Even when I dare to suggest in one tiny sentence in my stories that women might create their reality in their relationships with men, I get messages and rants about victim blaming.
In my world if you are coming from a place of a lot of trauma and chaos and grief that says to me that you are a very powerful creator. And that your soul has chosen some deep experiences.
I will never see you as anything but a powerful sovereign individual.
This doesn’t mean we excuse other people from their behavior.
It also doesn’t mean that if something happens to you it is your fault.
But forming an identity around your trauma and protecting and soothing it at all costs will keep you stuck in a place where your trauma rules your life.
That is just a fact.
I have seen people in therapy for over 20 years whose relationship to life has barely changed.
Therapy has been really wonderful at times in my own journey and it has not been the thing that has led me to a place of freedom.
Eagles take live whole baby birds back to their nests to be eaten by their young.
They just tear it apart, alive.
That’s what your soul comes to Earth for.
That’s what Earth is.
Tornadoes can form winds up to 300 miles/hr which is strong enough to crush cars and demolish buildings and rip your body apart and thrust your arm into the ground so that your hand is just there waving
This is where you live.
I am not interested in a life where we create endless layers of padding.
Where we live in safe rooms with nothing that will remind anyone of anything bad and have no experiences that will make anyone uncomfortable.
Life is uncomfortable.
It is supposed to be.
It is my belief that every single thing you experience some part of you wants.
This might be confronting but it is also true.
This takes you out of the role of victim and puts you back in the role of creator.
Can you find the places where you love the pain.
Can you find the places where you love the frustration of things not going the way you want.
Can you find the places where you love feeling gross.
Can you find the places where you love feeling powerless.
I am not talking about your mind. Your mind probably hates these things.
But there is a deeper place, inside your body.
A spark of sensation if you really feel.
The part of you that craves the sensation is ruling.
Some things are soul experiences and you have no control over them.
The point isn’t to be in tight control of life.
It is to understand that life is living you.
And when you get in alignment with it you can participate.
You are always participating. Just unconsciously.
In my life right now it feels like I have taken a backseat.
Like I show up and do the next true thing and life unfolds itself in front of me in ways my human mind could not ever have imagined.
Like someone who loves me the most has created the most perfect synchronistic experiences for me to live through.
Love is not comfort.
Creating your life does not mean that suddenly everything will become happy and comfortable and perfect.
Our house right now does not have clean water. We are composting our poop because it doesn’t have a septic system. In the past 6 months we have had flooding and freezing pipes and mold on our windows.
Some days my mind really does not like this. It is not comfortable.
And I would be lying if I told you that the deepest part of me isn’t thoroughly enjoying it.
It is so much exactly the thing I have always wanted that I can’t even cry about it without laughing.
Some people will teach you that you can create your life in the exact way your mind wants it to be.
In my experience it does work for a period of time and it also comes at the cost of ignoring the deepest thing inside of you. The part that can hear the whisper of the current of life.
I cannot think of anything more miserable than having everything be exactly the way my mind thinks it wants it to be.
When I see feminists who have made a career out of critiquing men all I can see is how swallowed they are by their experiences and stories around men. They are so intent on being the victim that in their life everywhere they go they are the victim.
And they will think about men forever.
They will think about their pain forever.
That is not freedom to me.
Freedom is being able to say I chose this and life is happening For me.
Freedom is being open to every experience as an opportunity.
I am interested in a wild life of full-body experiences
In the Earth teaching me about herself
In having approval for every single spot
And the life that only I can live.
If you liked this piece, you might also enjoy:
– A few years ago I might have cared
– The erotic nature of disgust
– I have often felt like I’ve had to apologize for the size I am
– Gender, trans children, and reverence of the feminine