Maybe you’ve had this experience:
You got the job. You had the best orgasm of your life. Or you had some huge breakthrough, and moved a lot of energy in some way.
You had an incredible high, and felt like you were doing really well.
And then… your energy tanked.
Suddenly you felt… low. Maybe you got sick, or you felt super sad, or angry, or like everything was wrong. Maybe you suddenly had no motivation whatsoever.
If you’re anything like most self-aware people, you probably reacted to this by feeling really upset about it.
You might have turned it into a story like… “Why can I never just stay feeling happy??? I push away everything good.”
Here’s the thing, though…
That’s not what’s happening in these situations.
In fact, nothing bad is occurring at all.
The only thing that’s happening… is that you’re contracting.
Energetic contraction always follows expansion. But instead of seeing contraction as the good, helpful thing that it is, we often panic and label it as bad.
The resistance we have to our contraction is actually the problem… not the contraction itself.
This used to happen to me in huge, difficult ways.
When I began working with my sexual energy, I started to have ecstatic highs that were greater than anything I could have ever imagined.
And I could count on the fact that either immediately after or the next day, I would feel like absolute shit. Usually, my next orgasm wouldn’t be anywhere close to that, and often I didn’t even want to be touched.
I used to be incredibly hard on myself about this. I would blame my body for not being able to hold the good, amazing energy for long enough. I would get annoyed at myself.
Another example: in the very beginning of my business, every good thing made me feel exhausted. I’d have a huge breakthrough, and then I’d end up with mysterious illnesses (like a fever and extreme fatigue that resulted in the ER, and them not finding a cause). I’d sign a client at a higher price, and two days later I’d feel depressed and certain that I wouldn’t be able to do it again. I’d lead an online event, and it’d leave me so tired I couldn’t leave bed for a week.
As gentle as I tried to be with my body, I still felt terrible about all of it.
I was making these things mean that I just wasn’t good enough at being able to feel good things.
When in fact, what was happening was just that my energy was contracting. I had expanded, and then I contracted.
But when I felt myself contracting, I would panic. I would create a story around it.
And when I did that, it made things so. Much. Worse.
It was my feelings about the contraction that made it so intense and made it last so long, not the contraction itself.
Now, when I have an experience that causes me to feel or hold a ton of energy, I already expect to feel some sort of contraction. I usually feel it as a deep tiredness. Sometimes I feel sad, or angry. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it’s big.
I let those feelings exist. I feel them, but I don’t make them mean anything. If I’m tired, I let my body rest.
Here’s what it looks like now:
Last weekend, I led an incredible, multi-hour class. I woke up the next day feeling exhausted… and instead of making it wrong, I just let the exhaustion exist.
I reminded myself that the only thing that was happening was that I had simply felt a lot of energy and had an expansion, and now I was contracting.
The tiredness in my body lasted two days, instead of a week. I didn’t get sick. And I found that I still had a ton of energy and motivation for other work tasks – so instead of feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in moodiness (sometimes a fun activity, lol) I ended up being super productive anyway.
I’ve come a looong way with this, so I want to share the steps I’ve found that help to most effectively integrate it.
Here are 5 things you can do when you’re experiencing an energetic contraction:
1. Give yourself full permission to feel all the feelings
Let every single emotion, body reaction, and sensation be completely allowed to exist. Be compassionate to yourself; don’t make yourself wrong for any of it. If you feel like you want to process the emotions through your body, do that. If you want to lay in bed and watch tv, go for it.
Let yourself do anything and everything you want.
2. Try not to attach a story to the feelings
Resist the urge to create meaning for your feelings! Humans tend to be obsessed with finding meaning in everything; that can often be a beautiful belief and way of looking at the world, but in this case it is probably not going to lead anywhere helpful.
Instead, make your story just that you are simply experiencing a contraction, that contraction leads to integration, and that that is totally okay.
3. Let your body have as much physical rest as possible
Feeling, processing, and/or moving energy can feel super physically draining to our bodies. Not acknowledging this, or making yourself wrong for this, is not a nice thing to do to your body. Give yourself a break. Let yourself rest. (Often, fullllly resting is what makes us feel better more quickly anyway).
4. Still do what needs to get done, and accept that you just won’t feel as expansive while doing it
Being in a contraction doesn’t mean that nothing happens at all (though it certainly can!) If things genuinely need to get done, do them – just stay aware of your body the entire time and give your body what it needs as much as possible. Consider – how can I make this experience more pleasurable?
That might mean that if you’re doing a bunch of work, you order in some yummy food or you make a cup of hot tea, or you wear your most comfy pjs while you do it. Keep asking: how could this feel even better?
5. Congratulate yourself for the incredible reason you’re contracting – wow, your body is so smart to integrate things in this way!!
Tell yourself what an amazing job you’re doing at integrating that awesome experience you just had.
Flood your mind with the story that this is a great, healthy response that makes a ton of sense, that your rest matters and is important, and that you’re allowed to feel all of your feelings. That makes way more sense than shaming yourself, doesn’t it?
Ultimately, we get to choose how we react to what we’re feeling.
In this case, you’re allowed to just accept the natural rules of the world and let yourself rest and not have to feel perfectly super wonderful at all times.
It’s also worth noting that it was the world around you – not you, yourself – who decided that contractions were less worthy and desirable than expansions.
What if you decided both were equally enjoyable, valuable, and worthy of celebration?
If you liked this piece, you might also enjoy:
– How I got over my breakup in 3 weeks
– Doubting your relationship? 6 simple questions to ask yourself
– How to stop thinking about your body during sex
– The ultimate guide to processing emotions in a healthy way
– There is wisdom in your anger: this is how to process it