What I want you to understand

Is that I did not know I was restricting

Food

I did not sit down to each meal and think

I will eat less

I ate what I wanted

I said

I ate how much I wanted

What I wanted was just tiny

Because I was a

Good

Woman

What I wanted was

Healthy

With a capital

H

depending on which way of eating

Was the correct way

That day

And it was normalized.

glutenfreedairyfreeveganintermittentfastingketolowsugarnosugar

Let me read the nutrition label on everything

And they said

It is not bad to want to change your body!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It can be Fun!!!

You will be thinking about food

Forever

You will be analyzing your diet

Forever

You will be tracking your movement

Forever

But it will be

Fun

The cure to your health problems is

Less

Let us laugh

Together

At how much I want sugar but I cannot have it

At how bad I was today, for eating

Let us bond

Over control

Over good

And bad

Behavior

I didn’t know how many Rules I had

How many bites of desserts was too much

How many glasses of milk was too much

The right snacks to eat

Until I put everything on the table

And let my body

Choose

And felt the terror of what it might be like

To let her take over

To admit that my mind

Had not done the best job after all

There is a lot to come undone.

We all have it.

Smaller = better

Purer = better

 

If you liked this piece, you might also enjoy: 

– Our minds do not know better than our bodies

– How food became neutral to me

– The journey of eating more has been long and slow

– I do not miss being skinny

– Everything to do with my food journey & weight gain in chronological order