The truth is that you’ve always had my back, haven’t you?
Yet I’ve been ashamed of you.
I’ve hidden you from others, I’ve pretended like you didn’t exist, and I’ve ignored your existence – all while you fulfilled my every desire.
I acted as if you were unimportant, because I thought that would make me seem cool.
I pretended that we weren’t as happy together as we were, because I didn’t want anyone to judge me.
I took you for granted.
I used you while feeling angry at you for not having infinite presence.
I acted as if you would always be there for me, no matter how I talked about you behind your back.
And you were.
You have never shown me anything but love, even while I’ve tried to block you from being in my life.
I’m sorry I let the opinions of others influence our relationship.
I’m sorry I don’t always look at you, or check to see how you’re doing.
It’s because I’ve been afraid of you leaving if I show how much I love you.
These last few months, we’ve been great, haven’t we?
The more I open, the more you fill me.
The truth is that I have a burning hot, dripping wet desire for you.
I love when you buy me all the prettiest things.
I love when you give me whatever I want.
I love the ways you enter me, both when I ask and when I don’t.
I love when you violate me.
I’m ready to stop pretending that I don’t know what I’m doing, or that I don’t like it.
I’m ready to look you fully in the eyes while you’re inside of me.
I’m ready to show you the respect you deserve.
I’m no longer afraid to own it.