Episode description:

My project for the year is renovating & redoing every single room of our home and it has begun! Spending thousands of dollars on pillows, rug shopping, random things about shelving we’re adding, the way the ceiling goes, what I’m thinking about it all, how many decisions go into making a room feel like a home, my color choices, will anything go together? And more. 

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Full episode transcript:

Demetra (00:08):

Hello? Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. And welcome back. To another episode of the Demetra Gray Show. I’ll tell you, I was like, I have to delete this and start over. And then I was like, no, I think this is how we’ll begin. Hello. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. I have a lot of energy today. Jordan and I were laughing this morning because, um, you’re saying like sometimes one of my favorite, not always subconscious, but often subconscious, um, internal dialogues that I’ve been getting very familiar with is I’m just like, uh, am I ever going to heal? Like my body’s not healing, it’s not working, blah, blah, blah, blah. And uh, then <laugh> some days like today I have so much energy and I’m feeling so good that I’m just like, things are clearly working anyway, this might not mean a lot to you because you don’t, you depending on how much you listen to you might not have a ton of context, but, um, I’ve just been doing a lot of intentional healing of my body the last couple months.

(01:33):

And uh, I mentioned I’ve been working with a woman, Laura Lyons, her name is, who like ran a ton of different labs for me, like my minerals and my uh, thyroid and my gut and my, like we did a stool test and all these different things and she put me on all these supplements. And then I’ve also been doing just a lot of like emotional, energetic, just a lot of, all of, of the pieces to what’s been going on with my body, cuz my body, I think ultimately my body has been really stressed for a very long time. Um, just very depleted from going through a lot of trauma and undereating and all that stuff. So, and then through my own like food journey, um, that was really healing in some ways it was definitely healing mentally, um, and somewhat physically, but it also I think triggered a lot of other physical stuff.

(02:30):

So it’s just been, it’s been a whole journey, but, um, days like today I’m like, oh, I haven’t had this much energy in a really long time. And so something is obviously shifting when I’m waking up just like happy and with lots of energy. And now it’s like, it’s currently the afternoon and I just like still have a lot of energy and anyway, um, so all that has been going on, but I d so this today’s episode is definitely just going to be a big share. I want to talk about the house. I just like, I just feel like there’s been so much happening and it’s all, it, it feels really cool the way that it all works together. It’s like the, what’s happening with my body and what’s happening with the house and all, like my body has mirrored the house since we moved in in those strangest ways.

(03:34):

And I don’t even know, like it’s just such a bizarre connection. But, um, it feels like as I’ve been cleaning up the house and we’ve been like repairing different things and making the house more functional, it just feels like my body has been going through a similar process and, or maybe vice versa. Like as I’m doing this with my body, then we’ve wanted to do it with the house. Uh, who knows? But, and at the same time it’s like, uh, we’re getting the house and my body both prepared to be the home for a baby, which is just the most magical thing. Like just, yeah, it’s like as within, so without, or whatever the saying is, as as without. So within or whatever, however that goes. Um, it’s like the same internally as what’s happening externally for me. And it’s just been super cool. So I have been ordering so many things for the house.

(04:42):

I, I keep having to like pause and be like, is this really okay because I’m spending a lot of money and, but like we, Jordan and I talked about it and it was like, okay, we’re like, that’s like, that’s what we’re doing for this year. My project for the year is the house. Um, and his project for the year is essentially to make money for the house. Um, and we’re helping each other with those things. But um, we decided like we had a, a meeting, we have meetings, um, and like, I guess do we call them meetings? We don’t really call them meetings, we call them. Um, but when they’re not calls, what are they <laugh> when we sit down, um, I guess meetings, what do we, when we have our money talks, I guess we just call them talks. Like for a while we were having regular money talks.

(05:47):

We talked about that more. There’s an episode, I don’t know how many episodes backed out where Jordan and I just talked about money and how we share our money together and um, just the ins and outs of like different financial phases of our relationship. And so we have now started doing that just with work. Cuz like now we’re working together more like, I’m essentially working for Jordan, uh, in the sense that I’m helping him with his business and with the community that he’s building, which is really incredible. Um, it’s called The Circle and we’re just building this really incredible space where I’m gonna do workshops in there. That’s really the only place I’m gonna be teaching. Or aside from some retreats maybe Jordan and I, I will just say keep in the back of your mind. Jordan and I have been talking about doing a retreat together here too.

(06:40):

So, uh, I have a retreat coming up in the end of May that I had announced last year that’s different style. Like it’s super intimate, it’s just a handful of women who are coming here with me. We’re gonna like live together in house and make meals together. And it’s, I’m really excited for that. It’s gonna be very beautiful. And uh, the retreat Jordan and I have been talking about is a bit different and it’ll be a bit bigger. Um, probably both singles and couples and that will be more like, we won’t be living in a house obviously with that many people. We’ll be like in a space that’s made for retreats where like the, that center is like housing us and feeding us. And then Jordan and I are just working with people and uh, doing different workshops and things. So we’ve been talking about things like that.

(07:34):

But I think we’ll have this mix of online and in person and uh, yeah, the, the place I’ll be working more is, is in that space with him. Um, and it feels just like everything’s coming together. If you’ve been following along for the last few months, you know, I was just like in this phase of, um, just being a bit lost, like just what am I doing? And like closing everything down was a big death for me, but a really necessary one. And like everything I had been running and uh, then the book came in and so I, I started writing my book in early December and I’ve still been doing that every day. And so I’ve been writing and then now I’m like working, Jordan and I are working together and my, the house is my main project. So you would think maybe the book would be my main project, but it’s not because it just feels like that I’m just doing anyway and I, I don’t, I don’t write like a to like, it’s not like I’m writing all day.

(08:46):

I just write for a little bit in the morning. I’ve been writing between 500 and a thousand words a day. So, um, I just do that in the morning and then it’s like, okay, well <laugh>, now I have the day. And so when we decided, cuz I think since we moved into this house, we have been doing things really slowly, like just like, and a, a large part of that was because the house didn’t function. Like, it wasn’t like we moved into a, um, ready to go house and we just needed decor. It was like we needed toilets and clean water and all these different pieces and to drill and all this stuff. So now that we have taken care of all of the basics, like the things that we need to be able to live here, um, we are ready to decorate. And like certain things, like a lot of the kitchen stuff we had every so often I would slowly get a new thing.

(09:53):

I think it took me, it must have taken me four or five months maybe more to get chairs for the kitchen table. Like we didn’t even have, well I guess we had our old table from our old apartment that didn’t match at all, that was just like chilling in the middle of our living room for a while. And then somebody bought it, like we put it up for sale and someone came and took it away. Uh, so then we needed chairs and so I got these chairs, but they’ve been, we’ve had them now for I guess almost a year and they’re unfinished. Like I bought unfinished wooden chairs so that I could paint them whatever color I wanted. And there’s still unfinished <laugh>, like there’s just so many things around the house that it’s just like, yeah, eventually we’ll get to that. And then this year, because I want to get pregnant at some point this year, which our original plan is in the fall, but every day I feel like we’re like, should we just make a baby now?

(10:51):

Like should we <laugh>? Like anyway, that’s like always up for discussion. So, um, but as we are getting ready for that, it’s like, okay, we’re ready. Like we don’t need, we’ve lived here. And I really also like that we’ve lived here for over a year now. And so I feel like, and I think this will happen more over time too, but I’m glad that we didn’t move in and start making a ton of changes right away because I don’t think, like, I don’t think I would’ve made good decisions if we made all the decisions right away. And I think I needed to adapt to living in the house, to having a house, to being a homeowner and being responsible for a house and really learning how to think long term in my decisions. Like when we first moved in, that was so overwhelming to me. Just the thought of like, the things that I’m choosing for the house we’re gonna have for many years.

(11:56):

Like these are long-term decisions, like whatever chairs I get are gonna be our chairs. Like it’s not just like we’re renting an apartment and when we move apartments we might just like get new stuff. And for me it had al I had always moved from place to place to place. So, and what I say, what I mean when I say that is like to different states or different countries. And so I didn’t, I never had stuff that was mine that I was bringing with me to a new place that was just never something that I did. And so, or at least very few things. So when we moved into this house, it was a whole new experience for me to be like, oh, I’m buying something that’s not just temporary. And I like, that’s scary. Like it just, that feels like a lot. And so it took us a while to get a couch.

(13:00):

I think. Well I maybe we went shopping for the couch like last December, but then it didn’t come in until March. So the couch took a while. We moved because we moved to October of 2021. So the couch took a while and then the now with the paint colors <laugh>, when I decided to paint our living room raspberry, I had never planned on doing anything. Like, like I just, I don’t think I had planned on our house being this colorful, but I think it took me this long of living here to start to feel I guess like who I am in the house and who the house is, if that makes sense. And what makes like, what feels good, like what both honors me and the house and us and our family and, and um, reflects the energy that we love. And the reason that we fell in love with this house was because it is so strange <laugh>, it’s like so eclectic.

(14:17):

There are so many things that just don’t make sense. Like it’s just, oops. It’s just like why? Um, like every day I feel like there’s another decision that’s just like, why did they do this? Like why did they decide this or why did they choose this? Um, so anyway, like when we talked about redoing the whole house, I was like, okay, I’m ready. Like I want it to feel like a home in here and it doesn’t, to me it doesn’t yet feel like a home because it still feels like we’ve partially moved in like our living room. And it’s a strange plan in the house because there’s not really a separate, like everything is, I guess the house has, I don’t even know how many floors you would say the house has <laugh> because like all of our rooms mostly are on one floor, which is like the main floor of the house.

(15:24):

But even that floor is not on the ground. It’s like up a, uh, maybe like half a flight of steps or something. So the house is like up slightly and then there is a loft space upstairs that I can’t even deal with yet. Like we’re just, we’ve been like using it for storage, but it is a really beautiful space. It’s really cool. And um, so there all of the rooms are sort of on this main floor and the living room, it’s all open. So like I’m sitting in the living room right now and I can look over to the kitchen, like the kitchen’s right there. Um, the dining table is right there and then I can like look the other direction and I see the doorway to our bedroom. And then there’s a doorway to the second bedroom that we’re gonna make the future baby room.

(16:20):

And then like our bedroom kind of extends back further and it has like, our bedroom has a bathtub in it <laugh> right now. And so I have to call, maybe I’ll call these guys today. I’m gonna have to call the construction a construction company and I’m just gonna be like, I need you to come over to do a consultation because I want to like, I think we’re gonna have to tear down a wall. I want to redo, I wanna be able to have like a really nice big master bathroom where we can have a big soaker tub and a nice shower and that will be it for Jordan and me. And then we’ll have like the main bathroom of the house, which will have a little shower and a toilet and a little sink. Um, so, which I want to paint that bathroom like a retro pink fifties bathroom. <laugh>.

(17:20):

I can’t remember if I said this already. I feel like I said it somewhere, but um, I just, when I lived in Pittsburgh, I had this, my apartment was so beautiful there and I had, it had this bathroom that was pink and black and white and it was just like this old, old pink tile and I was just in love with this apartment. It was so beautiful. It was this studio apartment. And um, I loved it. Like I, and I don’t even know, I have to look up like I hope that I can get pink tile. I’m sure they’ll know somewhere I can get pink tile for a bathroom. But I’m committed to making the main bathroom like a fifties bathroom. Not all the way, like there’ll be some modern things, but just this like pink tile kind of feeling. So the whole house is not going to really match itself in a way, but because the feel of the house is so weird already, like it’s, it’s already just so when you come into the house and you see our kitchen, the kitchen, the vent over the sink, the guy made himself and it looks like it’s like made out of fake clay.

(18:42):

Like it’s not real clay, but it’s like some sort of material that he plastered together and then painted <laugh> to look like clay. So the house, like the kitchen has this kind of strange vibe and then there’s this spiral staircase and these things all added together just make it look like you walk in the house and you’re just like, whoa. Like this is really cool and cute. And I mean, I don’t know what different people would think when they walked in. Maybe some people would be appalled. But for me, um, I just like immediately came in the house and just felt, I was just like, oh my God, this is our house. Like this is just so cute and it’s all these, it has all these little things in it that have made me so happy my whole life. Like even the d the uh, cabinet knobs like on all the cabinets, what do you call handles?

(19:40):

Door, the ha like the, you know what I mean? They don’t match up. Like they, they’re all the same one, they’re this cute little white circle, but they don’t, they’re not even like, I don’t know if the guy did that on purpose or if he just wasn’t that <laugh> like good at making it even, but he must have been good at making it even cuz he built the whole spiral staircase. So I’m not sure like, was he lazy? Did he just think it was funny? I have no idea, but I think it is the cutest thing. I’m like, I never wanna get rid of that. You look in the kitchen and everything’s like slightly off kilter. I’m just like, I love it. I just like, I love things like that. And um, so now it’s, it just feels like we’re like, okay, like unleash, um, it feels in my body.

(20:44):

Like I’ve been slowly like standing behind like a horse went behind the gates for a race and I’m just like chilling. And I’m like, okay, I’ve been like getting this thing and this thing and this thing. But now the gates have opened and they’re like, go <laugh>. And I’m like, okay, time to like buy everything. And, but I’ve never bought so much at once before, I don’t think in my life. Like I’m just like, okay, like let’s buy. Um, I bought so many pillows, I made that funny reel the other day, if you saw on Instagram, I thought it was really funny aisle <laugh>. Cause it was, I was bought, I bought so many pillows that my bank declined the purchase and it’s my Canadian credit card, so they’re not quite used to me yet. And um, I spent like thousands of dollars on pillows and I went to check out and it was like transaction declined.

(21:46):

And I was like, what? And I went to my phone and then my bank was like, is it you <laugh> like we declined. Like there’s fraudulent activity, we declined the charge. If this was you, like put yes. And I was like, yes, it’s me. I am just buying pillows, <laugh>. And so I bought all these pillows and they’re mainly just for our living room and some for our bed maybe, but I, because we have this big window seat in the living room. Oh, that’s what I was saying. So like the whole, did I finish that statement? The whole living room is open and I’ll tell you, I think it, it might be months at least like a couple months maybe before this happens, but I think maybe I’ll start, uh, doing the video, like recording some of these podcasts on video because I’m gonna have a really cute little table, uh, and chairs to sit in when recording.

(22:46):

And I might do that. Like I might start doing that once that’s set up. But right now when you sit in the living room, it ki it just doesn’t quite feel like a home to me. Like it, it still feels like it’s like someone else’s place that we are just parked in. Like, so anyway, so the living room has a big window seat. So I have to order, I think I’m gonna order on Etsy, uh, someone to make a custom size cushion to go on the window seat. Cause I wanna make it, we’re gonna add shelves in by the like foot side of the window seat. We’re gonna have these guys custom make shelves so that we could put books on them. Like I think it’ll be really cute to have a bunch of books right there. And then I wanna fill the window seat with pillows.

(23:42):

So <affirmative>, I bought a lot of pillows for the window seat and then I was like, well we need like extra blankets, like we should just have a ton of blankets around the room. So then I bought a bunch of blankets and the walls are already raspberry and the couch is a light gray because I didn’t know that I was gonna paint the walls raspberry when we chose the couch. But I think like they go enough, I don’t quite know if they go, I’ll be honest with you, <laugh>, like I don’t, the couch is really big. We got a really deep couch. I think if it were a tiny couch it might go better. But there is a lot of gray with the raspberry, which goes, but then you have to factor in the wood, which is honey oak, which is an orange color.

(24:37):

So, and for now I’m committed to keeping the honey oak, at least for now, at least for like the first round of house decor because I like, it’s just like, it keeps the, the previous look and it feels honoring of the house to not just like paint all the trim white. Although I think in the bedroom we are gonna paint the trim white and in my office I’m gonna paint it all blue. I’m gonna paint my whole office like a baby blue color, but I’m gonna paint everything in the off. Well I’m not going to, I’m gonna h hire people to do it, but I’m gonna have them paint everything the same blue <laugh>. So I’m gonna paint my office is this like very tiny room off of the kitchen, uh, that has like, I put these curtains in front of it. It doesn’t have a door or anything, it’s just like this little inlet and I wanna paint, there’s like a builtin desk in there.

(25:39):

I wanna paint the desk, all the walls, all the shelves that are on the wall, the ceiling, all of it, the same blue. So it’s just gonna feel like, I think I was googling to see photos of people painting the ceiling the same color as the walls. And there was some term, I think, I don’t know if it was like color washing or like color, uh, no it was color, uh, not dripping. It was like not dowsing. If there was some nice term that was like color drenching. I think maybe it was color drenching or something like, anyway, <laugh>, I think we’re gonna use that a lot. Like we have, our ceilings are pretty high and I think in our bedroom, like the ceiling in Jordan’s office and in our bedroom is sloped, like it’s not straight across. And so we’re gonna, I wanna paint the ceiling the same color as the walls in both of those rooms.

(26:51):

I think it’ll look really cool. And then my office, the ceiling, and I think actually in the dining room, which is also all open like the kitchen and the dining area and the living room all kind of, oh, I didn’t finish saying what I was gonna say <laugh>. I’ll finish it now. So, um, with the dining room, the ceiling goes even higher and it’s kind of weird because it’s like, so if you can picture, it’s like the ceiling and then there’s a little bit on every side that comes down and then there’s trim that like comes out into the room a little bit because there’s these lights up there that like go up toward the ceiling <laugh>, I dunno if this makes any sense when you’re listening to it, but so, and then there’s like the walls. And so I think it, it makes it tricky to be like, well what is the ceiling exactly and like where do you stop the color?

(27:55):

And I think that, yeah, the ceiling actually, when you really look at the ceiling, it’s really cool because like in some places the ceiling just connects to the wall, like it just like comes down, which means there’s no really dividing, like you’d have to paint it all the same color. Um, I don’t know. Anyway, it’s all very fascinating <laugh> to me. So, um, and I think something really opened when I was like, okay, this is raspberry. And then the other day I was like, well I think this whole area has to be raspberry because right now just the little like inlet where the living room is is raspberry. But actually the only thing to do is to continue the raspberry and just like go fully in with it and bring it all the way around the whole area. Like around the doors, which are technically the back doors, but they’re, what we use is the front doors, <laugh>.

(29:01):

And then like around the whole space of basically like the whole, the whole half of the house on this floor will be raspberry and then each room will be a different color. And then the kitchen I think is gonna be like a lighter yellow, but not really yellow because all my yellows that I tried to paint on the wall were terrible. Like they just don’t, they don’t work at all. They have too much green in them. Like I didn’t realize that I, like a true yellow has a bit of like greenish or I guess you’d say blue, um, undertones. And with the warmth of the kitchen, it like doesn’t go with the way, it just really looks off, it actually looks green. Like when you, even though the yellow on the on the thing itself doesn’t look green. When I painted it on the wall, I was like, these all look green and I, it’s because of the, the orange.

(30:02):

So, um, and I’m not a color expert, this is just what I’m like trying to, this is what I sense when I look at it. Um, so I, I’m gonna order a bunch more samples today because my first 23 were not enough and I’m gonna order, like, I’m gonna try some different, uh, like undertone, like just like a more orangey cream and a more like gold cream. It has like a bit more brown. So I’m gonna just try a bunch of those colors that still kind of give this like light yellow vibe but match more.

(30:51):

So yeah. And then this, there’s this little entryway. So the living room, one of the walls has these little squares cut into it. And so you can see through the wall into this little entryway where there’s another door. There’s a lot of doors in this house <laugh> and in this entryway originally I was like, I’m gonna paint it purple. And then I’m glad that I didn’t because we had time go by. And now that I’ve sat with it more, I’m like, that actually isn’t right because it doesn’t go when you look through, it’s just like the wrong purple. So I think actually I’m gonna make that whole thing pink too and it’ll be a lighter version of the raspberry and then when you look through the squares it’ll be like a lighter raspberry color. Anyway, I’ll tell you, I don’t know if any of this is going like it’s, I’m like following what my body wants.

(31:50):

I’m just like, I couldn’t get over the raspberry. Like when I, when I pulled out the color thing, like the paint um wheel or I don’t know what you call it, like a, the thing with all of the paint colors, the flip like the uh, what do you call it where you like open up middle all? Well it’s all the little paint swabs. And so I was sitting with it in the living room and I was like I only want this red color. Like I’m only feeling drawn to like these pinks and like berries. And when I chose this color I was like, I don’t know, is it gonna go, is it gonna be really weird? And even some days I’m like, does it quite go like, I don’t know, the tile on the floor matches the couch but does the couch match?

(32:47):

And I think personally I think that it does, I think that it just needs some extra things to pull it all together. But then the problem is that when I’m looking for the extra things to pull it all together, the things that I’m drawn to don’t make sense <laugh>. So I’m just like, like I posted in my stories this lamp the other day. Um, and the lamp is this like why do I wanna call it Carrie Green? Is that like the, is that a name? Carrie Green? Carrie Green? Is that a color? No, Kelly Green, right? Isn’t that the color? Kelly Green? Kelly Green. Is that even the color? Oh no, Kelly Green, no sorry, Kelly Green is quite bright <laugh>, that’s not the color of the lamp, but if you imagine like a more muted version of that meaning like just like it has, it appears kind of a bit, uh, I learned the other day, I’ll tell you that I didn’t, I thought that muted meant it was just like a bit more gray.

(34:02):

But I learned that muted actually means that it has a bit of the opposite color and the color wheel in it. So it appears a bit like, like it just, it’s not as bright and that’s why it’s muted. It’s like, uh, almost like gray-ish or brown or, and so that’s, anyway, that’s how the green is. It’s uh, but a bit of a darker, more muted um, green and it’s velvet. So this whole lamp was velvet, not just the lampshade but the whole like it was a standing lamp and the whole base kind of like starts narrow at the top and then goes out at the bottom and it’s this green velvet. And I was like, I must have that. Like I must go on Jordan’s side of the couch that has to be the lamp and we’re gonna get hue lights that connect to our phone and like change like all whatever different color you choose.

(35:04):

And so we can make it like pink in the green lamp and it’s gonna look amazing at nighttime but, and so someone was like, you know like green and red are opposites and that, so that makes sense like why you would want it. But I didn’t plan on this originally. Like I didn’t plan on including any green. The closest I was gonna get to green was like turquoise. But now as I have been choosing things, I’m afraid that the are all over the place. Like I bought all of these different, I got like these cute embroidered pillows from anthropology one has a squirrel on it. It is adorable <laugh>, but they’re like, what? Some of them are turquoise, like a dark turquoise, some of them are purple. I got pillows that are like pink, like a light pink color blankets that are pink.

(36:04):

So I don’t even know if all of these things are gonna go. I just don’t, I don’t know. I, and so then today my latest thing <laugh> has been is rugs. And so I want to, because we have such an a strange open space, there’s kind of like, we don’t really use a lot of the space that there is on the floor because, because the floor is so open, if you can imagine, you can kind of imagine all of these rooms like in a circle. So like when you come in the back door, the door like that’s one spot in the circle and then you like go a little to the right and then there’s the living room and then you go a little to the right and there’s like, then there’s the entryway and then there’s the dining room and then you keep going and there’s the kitchen and then you go and there’s the baby room and then you go and there’s the bathroom and then our uh, bedroom.

(37:03):

And so you could kind of make a circle around all these things. But then there’s this big empty space in the center of the circle and it’s like what do you use it for? Because it’s not really a room. So that’s why if I paint a whole, this is the circle analogy is a good one. Um, so if you imagine half of the circle being raspberry on the walls, that’s what I am envisioning because then the whole half of the circle will feel like the living, the living room kind of. And there’s two sections that I’m gonna make out of it. And my mom had a really good idea cause she was like, why don’t you get a little table and you could put two chairs? And at first I was like, but no one’s gonna sit over there. But now I actually think we could record over there and um, I think people will use those chairs like when they come over, if we have like a lot of people over, we’ll have a lot of um, yeah, different um, places.

(38:11):

Like it’ll be kind of strange cuz there’s not a lot of space to sit in the actual living room but around there’ll be more spaces. So I was like okay, if I use rugs properly, I can kind of create like the living room will be one spot and then over uh, across the floor if you will, <laugh>, there’ll be spot where there’s like the record player and the speakers and then the table and the chairs and that can kind of all be one space. So I’m going to layer rugs and so around the living room I’m gonna layer like three rugs or four rugs all together.

(38:54):

And then over in the other section I’m gonna layer up like three rugs over there and it’ll feel, I think with the layered drugs really cozy and colorful and like you wanna sit down on the floor and you wanna just like hang out. But I don’t know if any of the colors go, like today when I was looking at rugs I was like okay, I should look for a rug that like kind of matches the other colors in the room. But instead I found a rug that, so one of the rugs I found is like orange, it’s like um, peach and green mostly are the colors. So the green will go at the lamp. But I was like orange, I wasn’t gonna get orange but I was like this is the rug. Like I can feel it in my body. And so this is like the difference between like logical decisions and then like body decisions which are just like, that’s the rug.

(39:56):

And it’s like well it doesn’t make sense that that’s the rug because now what if the whole room cuz then with all the different pillows now the whole living room is just like every color. Not every color cuz there’s some like I’m not doing like lime vibrant green or something, but I don’t know how it’s gonna be. I’m a little nervous like <laugh> but I have to, I’m just like, okay, let’s just get all these things and see what it looks like. Like we’re just gonna have to kind of see how it goes. And then I fell in love with this Persian rug. So when you order like I’m gonna order like eight rugs for our living room <laugh>, which is kind of insane. And so I was like okay these are really racking up the prices if I’m gonna order eight rugs for one space. And then I found this Persian rug, it was like vintage Persian rug and it was the perfect color at least online. And I’ll tell you too that online in the image it looked almost like, it kind of looked like raspberry, almost like pink, like flashes of pink. But then like really dark blue. But it was faded. It was so beautiful. I was like I must have that, like that will be the main kind of rug in the living room.

(41:30):

But then the description of the rug was burnt orange and like dark, like plum red and brown. And I was like, well those aren’t really the right colors that I was going to use but that’s not what it even looks like in the photo. So then I was like, do I go buy the photo or do I go buy? So anyway, I bought this rug and I was like I’m just gonna do it even though this rug is probably the price of like three other rugs. And I was like, that’s okay, this will be my pricey rug purchase. And so anyway, I ordered that one but now I’m like, are all of these things even gonna work together? And then <laugh>, then what happens? Cause there’s a lot of things to buy for a room. So like on the, cuz then we have to have things on the walls if you’re not Jordan, because Jordan is like, Jordan was like, why do we have to have anything on the walls?

(42:32):

He was like, please don’t put things on the walls <laugh>. I was like, we can’t, what do you mean don’t put things on the walls? Like you have to have things on the walls. I think he’s just afraid that I’ll like completely cover the wall and like cluttered photos and it will just feel terrible. But I’m not gonna do that. But I do wanna get, there’s these asymmetrical mirrors that I wanna put behind the wood stove. They kind of look like rocks, the shape of them. Like I just think they’re really cool and also strange. So those will go there and then I’m not sure what to put on this wall, the big raspberry bra wall behind our couch And I was thinking about getting a wall hanging of some sort, but even that won’t take up the whole thing cause it’s such a strange, like I’d have to get one and put that kind of to the side and then get maybe like maybe if I did like two, I’m looking at it now, it’s like maybe if I did like two paintings and then like a macay kind of wall hanging, then that would look nice.

(43:47):

But then it’s like, okay well then what colors do I get in the paintings? Because now <laugh>, my colors are just all over the place. So I don’t know if you can do a room just by being like every color or like what if I have already messed it up? But because the, the ra, the raspberry and the gray or the orange, like it just doesn’t actually really go. But then I’m like how do you even know? Like wouldn’t it just kind of be dependent on the person em anyway whether something goes, because some things online when I’ve been looking up interior design blogs, I’ve been like, I’ll Google something and then I’ll look at people’s things and sometimes I look at it and I’m like, this doesn’t like I hate this <laugh>. Like I guess it goes but like it doesn’t feel like it goes to me.

Demetra (44:41):

Oh

Demetra (44:42):

Yeah. So I really don’t know but I am a little nervous like we’re, yeah we’ll just kind of have to see it. But I think that the living room, this whole area, I think it’s gonna have like a strange artist vibe. Like a just a very artsy doesn’t really make sense but like all somehow goes just like crazy artist vibe. And I feel like that’s just how it has to be like a little bit dark with like some of the colors and the like Yeah just like a, I don’t know what the comparison would be but yeah it’s interesting cuz the things that I’m drawn to are definitely not the things that I think that I should want <laugh>, which is like the case with all of us, right? But like this is the struggle when I talked in the Colors podcast that I did, um, when we first decided to, when I first decided to paint this room raspberry, um, was that so much of me had been like, oh we should have this kind of traditional like farmhouse style decor, a lot of like neutral, uh, very uh, common like style that you’d see

(46:49):

On Pinterest or in a magazine or something. And that’s just not actually what I’m drawn to. Like when I’m looking through all the lamps, I’m like, oh my God, I need this green lamp. The lamp won’t even come in until May and it didn’t ship to Canada so I had to ship it to like a third party address that then is gonna like bring it into Canada and then I’m gonna have to go off island and like go pick it up from this warehouse <laugh>. But I was like, I need it and I need, I just feel like,

(47:33):

Yeah, it’s like maybe if I make a bunch of decisions that just like feel right to me, then somehow the common theme will just be that it feels right to me and then somehow it will all work. But I don’t know if it’s gonna all work because like all of these colors online, it’s like, oh if you’re gonna layer rugs, layer rugs that are like have the same color combination or that uh, are like the same pattern and I’ve already just not done either of those things because those aren’t the rugs that I want. <laugh>, oh my gosh, it’s, but I think, I hope that when you come into our house it just feels like warm and fun and inviting and just like artsy and cool and weird and I think that makes sense for like who me and Jordan are and like how our family will be.

(48:35):

But yeah. Wow. It is such a thing. It’s like such a process. I can’t imagine how anybody decorates a house. I feel this way about a lot of things I think in life <laugh> or I’m just like, I get, I also feel it about the process of getting ready to have a baby where I’m just like, I feel like I’m like feeling the whole experience very thoroughly and I’m like how do I feel? And like where, what are all the pieces of me and like are some pieces in resistance and are some people like what are they afraid of and what are some, what do some pieces of me want? And I’m going slow and I’m like, I think maybe at the end of this year will be the right time for us to get pregnant. And I’m just like, oh my god. It feels really scary to become a mom and to like shift into a different phase of life and like be responsible for a child and I really want that.

(49:35):

But it’s like a big thing and I’m just like, how does anybody have a child? Like so many people just like have kids, you know like, and it’s like not a big deal. I mean for a lot of people I know that it is and I guess for everyone in one way or another it is. But what I mean is like some people just like do it without all of the thought and all of the analyzing and I don’t really think that one is better than another. I actually sometimes wonder, I’m like, <laugh>, is this even helpful? Like maybe like what if we just got pregnant today? Then like we wouldn’t have to go through any of the like, or maybe, I don’t know, maybe go through it later, but I’m just like, wow, I can’t believe that people get like mo, like I can’t believe so many people have children.

(50:31):

And I’m like, how does anybody decorate a house? <laugh>? I’m like, what do you mean? Like how my mom just bought a house recently in South Carolina and she uh, like decorated this house in like no time at all. I feel like in like a couple weeks it was just like, okay, house is decorated and like I’m just like, there are just so many and I know it’s like my mom, she’s done it a lot of times with her own house and different things, but it’s just like, how do you know <laugh>? Like there’s just so many little decisions. It’s like, well what goes on the wall and what’s goes on the floor and what pillows and what are the colors and what if you like a thing that’s not in the color palette and then do you just get a thing and then does it not match? And then <laugh> like how would you make all of these decisions? And now that I’m making them I’m just like, oh my god, what if I am not like what if? And it doesn’t matter, right? It’s like with the tile, sometimes I look at the tile and I’m like, does I don’t know that the tile matches the walls. But then I’m like, does it matter? Like it doesn’t really matter because at some point we could either retile or we could paint the walls a different color.

(51:48):

So all of these decisions aren’t necessarily super long-term decisions. Like they don’t have to be. Oh my goodness. I’m also just remembering that the tile as I’m looking at it, the tile actually has quite a lot of green in it. Maybe green is the whole thing that’s gonna bring everything together now that I’m looking at the room because the green goes with the orange cuz they’re like different. Same with the red. The tile actually has both orange and green in it, even though it’s like a light gray. Oh my god. See the tile maybe. Maybe the tile is the key to the whole thing now that I’m looking at the tile because the tile has green, it has pink like blush, which is what I’ve been picking. It has this orange like gold, it has green, it has like gray. It has all of these different colors. Oh my god, the tile has like every color in it except red. But I guess it does have pink, which is what the walls are.

(53:10):

I don’t know. I would need someone who does this professionally to look at the room when I’m done and be like, because I think too, sometimes I’m like, does this, this part feel off? But I don’t know the reason why it, maybe I have to learn more about colors or about interior design to be like, because I know that an interior designer could be like, this feels off because of this reason, but I don’t know enough to know what the reasons would be. So that’s where I’m at with the house. And then I also originally when I was like the house is my project for the year, I kind of mapped out like when we’re gonna do different house things, but then what’s happened this month is like I’ve kind of started to do it all at once because I’m like, well if I’m ready looking for this thing, I might as well just like get this thing for all the rooms.

(54:07):

So anyway, lots happening here. I just wanted to get like a big house update and just be like, this is where I’m at. I feel like I’m just like gonna become a house renovation person cuz I’m just like, this is the most exciting thing to me right now. I’ve been so excited about it the last couple nights, well not last night because I was more careful last night. Last night it was like 6:00 PM and I was like, oh my god, I wanna look up like I wanna look at more rugs. Like I wanna look at like I just wanna look at all these house things. But the two nights previously to that, I got so worked up because of how excited I got. Like I put all these pillows in my cart and, but I couldn’t because my F flux on my screen so that it’s like not blue light at night and I couldn’t see the proper colors.

(55:01):

I could guess, but I couldn’t see the exact color. So I was like, I have to buy the pillows in the morning. And then I got so excited I could not fall asleep and it’s rare that I like can’t fall asleep. And I was just like jacked up. I was like excited. I was like, I can’t fall asleep because I have to, I wanna like go look at more pillows, <laugh>. And then I was like, so last night I was like, I, it was like six o’clock and I was like, I wanna look at, I wanna look at rugs. And then I was like, no, because if I look at rocks, I won’t be able to fall asleep. So instead I like had a cup of tea and then I went and I like talked to Jordan and then I went and I did like a gratitude practice instead because I was like, I need to wind down because if I start looking at things for the house, I’m just gonna like wind up and be too excited and not be able to sleep. But it is fun to just like, it feel, it’s like having a giant art project is what it feels like. It’s just like, yeah. And actually, yeah, it’s like I feel like I’ve been paint, I’ve been like doing the house in the same way that I paint something or that I like make art. Especially, I used to finger paint a lot and I would just like make abstract designs, but it would just be like maybe this over here, maybe this over here. And just like

(56:31):

No sort of like plan I guess. I haven’t a plan sort of with my Pinterest boards. I have like the general vibe of each room, which I think we’re still sticking to. Like, I, I think the living room will still have, it’ll be similar to the Pinterest board, but this green color, I’m gonna have to go in and add green to my Pinterest board has what I should do. Okay, <laugh>, that’s all for now. Big update on the house. Um, if we’re not connected by email, you can join me there. It’s just demetragray.com/newsletter. That’s, we’ll put that in the short show notes. Um, if you wanna come into the community with me and Jordan, that is uh, well I’ll put the link for that in the show notes right now. It’s, I think it’s still Jordan Gray consulting.com/evolution of love cuz that’s the program that’s included in the circle. Um, so both those links are in the show notes and I will see you next episode.