5 surprising things that can hold you back from getting what you want
We’re all walking around with past experiences stored in our bodies.
These past experiences dictate pretty much everything about your life: the way you see things, the stories you create in your mind, and the actions you do and don’t decide to take.
The trouble is, most of us don’t know what we’re holding.
If that’s the case, you’re basically letting things other people have decided for you be the things that create the rest of your life.
I don’t know about you, but that’s not something I’m willing to allow.
Awareness is the first step toward change, so I’ve created a list for you of the 5 most significant things people are holding in their bodies – plus some solutions.
1. Past sexual experiences
Your body remembers everything. If you had a sexual experience where your body was taken advantage of, where you couldn’t speak up for yourself, or where you were shamed in some way, it’s likely that it’s affecting how deeply you can open in your sex life today.
I cannot stress how common it is for women to come to me saying their desire for sex has waned, or that they can’t orgasm, and how connected that ends up being to past sexual experiences.
And it’s the same with men – men who have been shamed once for ejaculating too early or not staying hard can carry that with them for decades.
2. What you learned about yourself as a child
Most of our perceptions of life were formed when we were children. Whether we were parented well or not, we all have unmet needs from childhood that we unconsciously strive to get met in our lives (particularly through our partnerships) today.
When we’re little, we can’t think through things the way we can as adults.
That means beliefs get formed about ourselves and about life that aren’t true.
These beliefs are infinite… but as examples, maybe you’re constantly hard on yourself. Maybe you are scared of expressing yourself in the world. Maybe you learned your sexuality was wrong.
Maybe you learned that setting boundaries is selfish, that making money has to be hard, or that you don’t deserve love.
You didn’t get to choose the beliefs you were imprinted with.
But as an adult, you’re the only one who can decide you want to live without them.
3. What society taught you about your gender
If you were raised as a girl, you might have learned that your worth was in what your body looked like, that you should be quiet, or that your body didn’t belong to you.
Or maybe you learned that femininity was bad, so you shut that part of yourself off entirely to be successful.
If you were raised as a boy, you might have learned that showing tears or sensitivity was a sign of weakness, that your worth was dependent on how much money you made, or that you were supposed to want sex at all times.
4. Beliefs you absorbed from religion
Because Western society is pretty Christian-dominated, whether you went to church or not, you probably absorbed some beliefs.
They might include that sex/masturbation is bad, that queerness is wrong, that women are the original sinners and the reason for everything terrible in the world (see the story of Adam & Eve)…
You might also have learned that the goal is Lightness and purity, while feelings like anger, jealousy, or greed are Dark, shameful, and the work of the devil.
Meaning, you may subconsciously feel like the goal is to be “good” and “light” …. instead of being allowed to be a person with equal amounts of dark and light, just like the rest of the actual world.
5. The amount that you don’t trust yourself
Pretty much all of us have said yes to things when our body is saying no, or said no to the things our bodies want the most.
How can you expect your body to trust you – how can you expect to trust yourself – when you’re continually not listening to your intuition?
If you always logic your way out of what your body is saying, you might find yourself feeling dissatisfied with life.
That’s definitely not your fault – it’s just what society teaches us to do. But you’re the only one who can change it.
So… what to do??
Well, these experiences you’re storing in your body can be worked with so that they aren’t impacting the way your life unfolds.
And the process for working with them is pretty simple, though not easy.
It includes 5 steps:
– Identify what you’re holding in your body
– Truly love and accept all of these pieces
– Learn how to meet your deeper needs yourself
– Process the stuck energy in your body
– Create new pathways for your brain to learn and believe instead
This results in a sense of aliveness and turn-on in your everyday life, more creativity, more pleasure, more love, more money… whatever your goals are, that’s how you get there.
If you liked this piece, you might also enjoy:
– 9 things you must understand to stop letting doubt and fear run your life
– The ultimate guide to processing emotions in a healthy way
– This one thing is holding you back from feeling free to be who you are
– The way you have been taught to feel is wrong
– How to be the Queen of Sex: 7 ways to get everything you want & drive your partner wild